Which inspired me to search out the Cracked article on the subject. Which is not half as funny as you'd expect, considering the source material. Whatevs.
I've been reading Questionable Content obsessively for the last two days. I blame viciousberries. I also kind of have a crush on Marten Reed. He is almost my ideal man, and posesses a lot of Boy's more endearing personality traits - being more sexually inhibited than his girlfriend, charming self-deprecation etc. D'aww!
I'm turning twenty-two in less than two hours. It figures that I've been spending the majority of today curled up in a fetal position, having anxiety attacks.
What have I done in the past year that's worth mentioning?
1. Built a successful relationship. (Although I'm not sure whether I deserve much credit for that since I spent the greater part of the year in a depressed funk trying my best to chase Boy off)
2. Wrote two enlightening research papers: "Is pornography harmful to women?" and "Should FGC be criminalized?".
3.Finished my transfer credits at ANC.
4. Held down a job for two months working for a creepy psychopath.
5. Interviewed an international sports celebrity in the process.
6. Starred in a semi-professional play.
7. Donated over a hundred of my old books and helped build a library for underaged kids.
8. Almost got my driver's license (final test is in August).
9. Wrote a fuckton of poetry.
10. Discovered Batman, Christian Bale and DC Comics.
Hmm. That's more than I thought. And yet, I have yet to feel a sense of acheivement from any of them. I suppose this is because of my complex and deep-seated psychological issues.
And on the flip side of that coin, I:
1) Failed to maintain some promising friendships.
2) Got one "incomplete" and and one (completely unfair) D, thereby tanking my GPA.
3) Only made the Dean's list one more time after my first year.
4) Failed to apply for and transfer to Canada and am now grappling with the fact that I don't even want to study or read or do much of anything anymore.
5) Failed to hold down the job for more than two months; failed to find another job after leaving the place or even kick-start my freelancing career.
6) Tanked the closing night performance of the play (Holy hell, I forgot I never followed up my post on that) and came out of the experience thoroughly disillusioned with acting.
7)Failed to keep a long-term involvement with the library-building charity because of depression-related issues.
8)Failed to get over my depression.
9)Failed to re-take and this time complete ballroom dancing classes.
10) Failed to maintain the needful exercise-and-diet regimen.
11) Failed to write any fanfic or anything much save the aforesaid fuckton of poetry.
Failed, failed, failed, failed.
And to cap it off, Christian Bale flipped out, Batman turned out to be a manipulative asshole and then DC Comics killed him and proceeded to completely fuck my favourite characters to shit.
No wonder I'm depressed.
I think I need a stiff drink so I don't start thinking about what my next birthday might be like. Maybe I'll be depressed, alone and single.
RIP David, long live Kwai Chang Cain.
So, some lolariousness to get over the blues:
A cartoon about the special love between an emo teen girl and her sparkly vampire.
"Packing up and moving on" blog post by the producer of the recently defunct Terminator: The Sarah O'Connor Chronicles, which full of lulzy lols in a resigned, gallows humour, freakingly funny kind of way. I wanted to pat him on the head and buy him candy, and I've never even watched the show.
the_dark_cat presents Father's Day for Batman and Sons. God, I wish for puppies, happy children, rainbows and for this strip to be officially made canon.
On the other hand, it is canon that Judd Winnick and Grace Choi ships Nightwing/ Arsenal. So the man can't be all bad.
Thanks to cleolinda and scans_daily for the links!
In other news, I watched Prince Caspian today and am now furiously shipping Peter/Caspian, although I think I'm going to keep Edmund and his awesome snark to myself. I have a feeling that C.S. Lewis would not approve of this, which is an added bonus. Oh, I am going to miss Peter and his Magnificent...sword...in the next movie!
Here, have a parody.
WHAT PETS WRITE IN THEIR DIARIES
Excerpt from a Dog's Diary........
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpt from a Cat's Diary... Day 983 of my captivity....
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now .
Thanks topgwfolc for linking me to this blog. Also, can you figure out why these products never made the end product catalogue?
Yes, you read that right. Crazy people on the internet translated the entire Bible into LOLCAT.
How far do you think you can get without screaming? My brain broke halfway down Genesis.
Zombie flu and LOLcat Bibles. There is nothing more the world can throw at me.
Take a fuckin' Chill Pill, Senor Bale.
But this wankery I do not mind, because this EPIC GIF was born of it:
( Cut to be kind to dial-uppers, and apologies to those who follow scans_daily )
Me: Well, I freaked out when the doc said they were "mood stabilizers". I thought, I can't take mood stabilizers, what if they stabilize the wrong moods?
Boy: ...wait, WHUT?
Me: I know.
(Discussing the behaviour of a mutual friend.)
Boy: Apparently the voices in her head told her to do it. The girl actually told me she had voices in her head.
Me: Oh, that's okay. I know lots of people who have voices in their head. Pavi has three, I think. I used to have three, but now I think I've about five or only two or maybe some of the voices are pretending to be several voices...How about that? The voices in my head have multiple personality disorder!
(On people on social networking websites who can't be bothered to use correct English)
Boy: Sometimes, I suspect that you're a snob.
Me: I'm not a snob.
Boy: An intellectual snob, then.
Me: No, I'm quite capable of tolerating a lot from people. I try not to judge them. But there are three things upon which I reserve the right to automatically disqualify them from my regard. One is - homophobia. Two - misogyny. Three - bad grammar.
Boy: So you're not elitist because you have an eccletic range of pet peeves?
Me: *thinking this over* So you love me because I'm mad, mad and mad?
Me: I just feel crappy today. I don't know why.
Boy: Well, I'm here now. Think happy thoughts.
Me: *flirtatiously* I am thinking happy thoughts...
Me: ...which is why I've been chanting Batman, Batman, Batman in my head since morning.
I think I'm going to give him some sort of complex soon.
A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human race appear?'
The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve and they had children and then all mankind was made.'
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.
The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?'
The mother answered,'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.'
New still from HPB:
( This gorgeous piece of Mansome has been hidden away from undeserving spoilerphobes. )
HOLY HOTDAMN SHIT!!! NEVILLE?!!
Even his hormones are prepping him for The Deathly Hallows.
Now, if any of your brain cells are still up to functioning after that, we haz further evidence of RPattz's major hate-on for Twilight, brought to you by none other than Rupert Grint.
"After replying to the text message, we found out that Rupert recently lost a bet to actor Robert Pattinson, who was once part of the Harry Potter cast in a previous film, and insisted that Rupert read the bestselling book. Rupert is now "stuck reading 'Twilight'" and that Rob was just texting him to see how far along he was getting.
LULZY # 2: Queen's Personal Poet Hates His Job. His Artist's Soul is traumatized because Her Majesty never leaves him any FDK! ZOMG, the horror!
Bwaha, the comments are priceless, every one. The Queen Mother once reminisced about some ridiculous little man who came to tea once to read his dreary, tiresome poems. Why, he looked like a banker! His name was T.S Eliot. That family really is pretty Philistine towards the arts. Aside from family portraits, Elizabeth only likes pictures with horses in them.
Frankly, I didn't even know the Queen had a personal poet. What does he even do all day? Apparently, Mr. Motion hasn't yet found out either.
LULZY # 3: Presenting Tiger Woods, ppl.
This last one is neither overtly LULZY nor looted from cleolinda , but something I got in the email, and felt that THE WORLD MUST KNOW. Unless, the world already knows and I'm like that last poor sod who's still going "Dumbledore iz GAY??".
This photo below was taken at a competition in June 2006. The competition was between 9 women for best makeover. They had every possible beauty treatment available to them over a period of 12 hours before the contest.
Look at the before and after photos.
Conclusion - there are no ugly women only poor women ...
( Beauty is only liposuction deep. )
Snopes has a
Is it bad that the first thing I thought when I saw them was "THEY'VE BEEN VAMPIRED"? I keep expecting to see their eyes glow blood red and their skin to sparkle rainbowishly. Only, they're all kind of...orange. Why would anyone want to be orange?
Hee. That would make a great excuse for Bella if she wanted to get out and about Forks after she got vampired and turned into a near-unrecognizable ice bust of a supermodel (for such is the nature of SMeyer's vampiring). She could go around telling people that she's fresh from the Fox reality TV show "The Swan".
Gawds, the things people will do for "beauty". I think I liked them better when they looked like normal people. And after all that money, at the end of the day, you still have the same personality you started out with, warts and all.
Mind you, though, I have been wishing for a nosejob myself since the age of 14. My complexes, they are long-standing.
You has been good today, Internets. *pats them*
Of course, he is not without his detractors. Voter lxbean points out: But how do I know Bart isn't just riding a cynical wave of pseudo-dog-liberation, disguising himself as a "dogist," as it were, while advocating for an anti-dog reversion to the days of dog catchers for the mixed breeds and cold kennels for the working breeds while he and his fellow East Coast Elites sit around swilling lattes and eating hotdogs dipped in peanut butter?
How do I know Bart's not just selling me a fantasy in the tradition of movies like "A Dog's Life in the White House" and "Puppy Goes to Washington"?
However, abnormalsanon soon puts these fears to rest: Because he has experience and he was a POW in the pound. Isn't that enough for you? Are you un-American or what??
Frankly, he is the best choice I've seen so far. I hope you do your duty, America!
(Thanks be to kemidra for linking me.)
Poor Pluto by ~TheMhpe on deviantART
Where is the Pixar cartoon on it, already?
Somebody nitpicked that Jupiter and Saturn should be much more ginormous than is portrayed. The response:
batmiles:That would be a thoroughly uninteresting image. Here is Jupiter! Here is Saturn! See them sneer! And here are two small blue things with invisibly tiny expressions. And then here are these pixels. You can't tell, but they're sneering too, take my word for it.
So. Freaking. Hilarious.
( Cut because I'm trying to be nicer to my flist )
Summary: Twilight is really, really, bad and I hate the main characters and the plot is ridiculous and I can't stop reading it like I can't stop eating chocolates and what the fuck is wrong with me?!
a)cry for sweet Baby Jesus/ Krishna/ Buddha/ Anyone to come rescue mankind,
b)tear hair out and give these idiots the paddling their Mums forgot until they're forced to grow the hell up, or
c)point, mock and laugh hysterically.
Considering how well it can be set to the "Fresh Prince of Bell Air" theme, I think I'll go with option three.
I am also rather inclined to forgive them, in light of the completely unrelated "Twatlighters - Men In Black Style" spoof it indirectly spawned.
All's well that ends LOL!
Hi, I'm Marvel...and I'm a DC: Ironman vs Batman.
Ironman vs Batman Part II
Ironman vs Batman Part III
Ironman vs Batman Part IV
I was grinning madly right up until the Second Coming...at which point I nearly fell off my chair laughing. Also, is it it bad that I had to giggle everytime Spidey got eletrocuted?
You know, I'm not someone who thinks that immigrants should be granted special rights and priviledges. You migrate, you learn the damn language and do as everybody else does. Religion and culture are things you can practice in private.
But I'm kind of in LOVE with this strip:
Pure, unadulterated win or merely sheer glorious win? Discuss.
Found via this hilarious piece of wankity wank wank on
My own motto, for what its worth, is: "When in Rome, Do the Romans."
This is a post that all who purports themselves as feminists should read. It makes me happy in my pants.
Please also follow the comments for more evidence of intelligent life in fandom.
Thank you times a million to
And Oh My God, WHERE has this post been my entire life?! - A Modest Proposal: Dean Winchester is a Very Bad Man, yo. *dies and is ded of LAFF*
Suddenly, I remember why I love this fandom. To the death.