I dug this out from the bowels of my hard drive and thought we'd all have a giggle. I think I wrote this as a challenge on Tricia's LJ, when she wanted a note from a fictional character. Keep in mind, this was written before AWE came out.
Ahoy there, mate!
My acute intuition of the female creature tells me that you are thinking of shagging me on deck incessantly. After all, we are both very much alike, you and me. I and you. Us. Never mind that Miss Dolly-Belle, What’s-er-face, Miss Moral Center passed me up. I’m sorry you had to see that, love. I should have known that a woman who could prefer a wet-behind-the-ears, soprano-voiced, eunuch like Turner over me, wasn’t worth wasting my rum over. And whatever she says, I really don’t smell that bad!
So what d’you say, m’darling? After all, being a captain, it is very much within my power to perform a marri-arge, if need be. Right here. Right now.
And later, we’d find a tiny island and lie in the sun drinking rum and singing about really bad eggs. And I’d be able to give you a right royal welcome to the Caribbean! Savvy?
Still rooting for you, love,
Captain Jack Sparrow.