ladymirth: (internet needs surfing)
I am very, very sad about David Carradine dying. Kung Fu: the Legend Continues was one of my favourite TV series' when I was growing up. And then I grew up and watched it and was appalled at how hammy and sexist the whole thing was, but then that was pretty much true of most eighties TV fare.

RIP David, long live Kwai Chang Cain.

So, some lolariousness to get over the blues:

A cartoon about the special love between an emo teen girl and her sparkly vampire

"Packing up and moving on" blog post by the producer of the recently defunct Terminator: The Sarah O'Connor Chronicles, which full of lulzy lols in a resigned, gallows humour, freakingly funny kind of way. I wanted to pat him on the head and buy him candy, and I've never even watched the show. 

[profile] the_dark_cat presents Father's Day for Batman and Sons. God, I wish for puppies, happy children, rainbows and for this strip to be officially made canon. 

On the other hand, it is canon that Judd Winnick and Grace Choi ships Nightwing/ Arsenal. So the man can't be all bad. 

Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] cleolinda and scans_daily for the links!

In other news, I watched Prince Caspian today and am now furiously shipping Peter/Caspian, although I think I'm going to keep Edmund and his awesome snark to myself. I have a feeling that C.S. Lewis would not approve of this, which is an added bonus. Oh, I am going to miss Peter and his Magnificent...sword...in the next movie! 

Here, have a parody

ladymirth: (one with the universe)
Dakota Fanning cast in "New Moon". As in Twillight Part 2.

WHY?

This girl is a hyper-talented child prodigy. Why on earth would she want to act in a trainwreck like this? WHY, LORD?

Also, Kim Manners is dead, what? I didn't even know he had cancer. This is such a damn shame; he was such a great director. He was one of the cornerstones of Supernatural. Everyone on set must be so devastated.

ladymirth: (internet needs surfing)
Yes, I stoled from Cleo's linkspam.

New still from HPB:

This gorgeous piece of Mansome has been hidden away from undeserving spoilerphobes. )

HOLY HOTDAMN SHIT!!! NEVILLE?!!  

*CUE MANGASM* 

Even his hormones are prepping him for The Deathly Hallows.

Now, if any of your brain cells are still up to functioning after that, we haz further evidence of RPattz's major hate-on for Twilight, brought to you by none other than Rupert Grint.

"After replying to the text message, we found out that Rupert recently lost a bet to actor Robert Pattinson, who was once part of the Harry Potter cast in a previous film, and insisted that Rupert read the bestselling book. Rupert is now "stuck reading 'Twilight'" and that Rob was just texting him to see how far along he was getting.

 
Rupert admitted he had only read the first five chapters of the bestselling book and we just informed him that there were three more books in the series. "No, really, are you serious? I thought there was just this one book?" Only now realizing he has to read three more, Rupert took his phone out and sent another message to Rob. By the looks of things, we can bet it wasn't a very pleasant message."

 
WE FEEL YOUR PAIN, RUPERT! Well, we don't, but we sure as hell are laughing hysterically at it. Which is kind of the same. Or not. 

LULZY # 2: Queen's Personal Poet  Hates His Job. His Artist's Soul is traumatized because Her Majesty  never leaves him any FDK! ZOMG, the horror! 

Bwaha, the comments are priceless, every one. The Queen Mother once reminisced about some ridiculous little man who came to tea once to read his dreary, tiresome poems. Why, he looked like a banker! His name was T.S Eliot. That family really is pretty Philistine towards the arts. Aside from family portraits, Elizabeth only likes pictures with horses in them.

Frankly, I didn't even know the Queen had a personal poet. What does he even do all day? Apparently, Mr. Motion hasn't yet found out either. 

LULZY # 3: Presenting Tiger Woods, ppl. 



This last one is  neither  overtly LULZY nor looted from [livejournal.com profile] cleolinda , but something I got in the email, and felt that THE WORLD MUST KNOW. Unless, the world already knows and I'm like that last poor sod who's still going "Dumbledore iz GAY??".

This photo below was taken at a competition in June 2006. The competition was between 9 women for best makeover. They had every possible beauty treatment available to them over a period of 12 hours before the contest. 

Look at the before and after photos. 

Conclusion - there are no ugly women only poor women ... 

Beauty is only liposuction deep. )

Snopes has a wankfest discussion thread about it.

Is it bad that the first thing I thought when I saw them was "THEY'VE BEEN VAMPIRED"? I keep expecting to see their eyes glow blood red and their skin to sparkle rainbowishly. Only, they're all kind of...orange. Why would anyone want to be orange? 

Hee. That would make a great excuse for Bella if she wanted to get out and about Forks after she got vampired and turned into a near-unrecognizable ice bust of a supermodel (for such is the nature of SMeyer's vampiring). She could go around telling people that she's fresh from the Fox reality TV show "The Swan".

Gawds, the things people will do for "beauty".  I think I liked them better when they looked like normal people. And after all that money, at the end of the day, you still have the same personality you started out with, warts and all. 

Mind you, though, I have been wishing for a nosejob myself since the age of 14.  My complexes, they are long-standing. 

You has been good today, Internets. *pats them* 













 
ladymirth: (self-destruct)
They're teaching Twilight in the 8th Grade: Lesson plan.

Apparently it's true.

WTF?!

There is not enough Horror in the world. What kind of fucking retards do they have have running the school system?

Dear God. Those book may be good enough for grown women to laugh over, but I'd never let it get within 500 feet of a fourteen-year-old's impressionable grey matter. And now they're force-feeding this sexist tripe to the poor kidlets.

Here's a tip, idiots. What a thirteen-year-old (boy or girl) really needs is a foundation course on Women's Studies, which explains exactly what constitutes sexual assault and how to keep away from abusive relationships and how to lose a control-freak boyfriend who sabotages your car to try and stop you meeting your friends. After you've fed him his own sparkly peen. 

U.S, you have now officially crossed over from batshit country and are now speedily approaching the horizon of FUBAR. (Seeing as I'm in SL, I'll probably be there to meet you when you get there.) 

For the first time in the history of book publishing, you actually do need to think of the children and this is what happens. 
ladymirth: (bucket dance)
The Most Popular Book In The Whole World.

So. Freaking. Hilarious.

Cut because I'm trying to be nicer to my flist )

Summary:
Twilight is really, really, bad and I hate the main characters and the plot is ridiculous and I can't stop reading it like I can't stop eating chocolates and what the fuck is wrong with me?! 
ladymirth: (bucket dance)
This is the most hysterical thing I've read all week:

Constellation by Emibella
Rating: R
Summary: It's the wedding night and Edward is dealing with...performance anxiety. Or rather, how to keep from crushing his wife to death. The Cullens, of course, have their own unique brands of expertise on the subject.

Growing Up Cullen, all the way, mateys!  

Bored.

Sep. 1st, 2008 09:43 pm
ladymirth: (milkshake)
Back to being bored and disinterested again. The only thing I feel like doing is re-reading Twilight, which is the mental equivalent of binging on junk food. And it must be Twilight because normal Harry Potter fanfic is not junky enough for my decadent frame of mind, nor is it sparkly and pink and sugary and mushy and girly and I'm basically obsessed with these books. But I shall withstand the temptation, because if I re-read Twilight, I shall not be able to stop myself re-reading New Moon and if I re-read New Moon I'll end up re-reading Eclipse and I'm just not up for that level of masochism right now.

So here I am, determinedly avoiding opening the folder marked "Stepehenie Meyer" on my desktop and willing myself to be strong and do the right thing and say NO to drugs in every form, especially when you know they're going to make you punch out a hole in your cupboard.

It is not going well. So far, I've forcibly sat on all feeble yearnings to write Twilight fanfic. Clearly, the withdrawal symptoms are worsening.

What has my life come to? It has come to ending sentences with prepositions, for a start.
ladymirth: (bucket dance)
I am in tears. Screaming.

All because of this.

Although I feel sorry for all the people who haven't read Twilight, because this level of self-wanking lolariousness has never before been seen in the realms of Earth, I've always felt that Midnight Sun (Twilight told from Edward's POV, which was to have been Smeyer's next novel before she threw a fit about it being leaked to the Internet) was the one book I would have been better off not having read. Not just because the level of unintentional creepy hits record highs and Edward's cess-pool of self-hating angst makes Bella sound like fucking Anne Shirley, but because it is boring. Something I never thought SMeyer was capable of being, whatever else.

However, between Growing Up Cullen and Cleolinda's recap, it has managed to inspire the most LULZY of all lulz yet. I am in LOVE with Cleo, I tell you. I'll imbibe as much crack as SMeyer can stuff down my throat as long as she continues to write these recaps.

That said, though, it is absolutely not necessary to have read the books for you to enjoy the recap. It's just that the non-readers, no matter how jaded they have become to the world, invariably chuckle and think, "She's probably exaggerating. It couldn't possibly be as bad as that, right?" while the actual readers know that yes, it really is that bad. Worse, even.

I'm hoarding all the moments that had me falling out of my chair here, so I can adore them in my own plot of cyberspace:

Can you feel the LOLZ tonight... )

How do I love thee, Twilight? Let me count the ways...
ladymirth: (bucket dance)

I squealed like a pig in mud when I saw this:



RPattz ate chicken and cheese off his neck for the movie?! That's called CANON-SLASH right there!! OMFGHEDEXPLODEY!!!

*screams the rafters down*

I gakked it from the graphical condensed version of "Twilight for Dummies".

Also, I stopped feeling sore about having slogged through all twelve leaked chapters of Midnight Sun (upcoming novel by SMeyer which re-chronicles Twilight from Edward's POV) after I read Growing Up Cullen. Because it's all basically what'e said, yo. I flipped, flipped and scared most of the neighbourhood cats laughing.

Also in the category of Twilight-spoofery, you probably won't be able to appreciate how priceless this is unless you've read at least one book and know that she really does write like that! (Although I can't believe the writer actually went back and painstakingly counted and tallied all those situations. Yikes!)

Warning: None of the links are Edward-friendly.

I shall finish up with "Twatlighting - Boom-de-ya-da-style" courtesy of fandom_wank.

I love the books, but its the Twilight wank that I really fangirl. Day-um! It's like Christmas every day! *snuggles Twilight*

Keep on sparkling, honeys!

ladymirth: (simba)
Finished Breaking Dawn.

It wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. Eclipse prepared me for what was to come, and I'd read and boggled over all the spoilers beforehand anyway, so I was not caught unawares as the rest of the poor sods who read Breaking Dawn cluelessly for the first time. Having [personal profile] cleolinda  's hilarious Twilight summaries on hand also contributed toward making it an almost rewarding experience. They were hilarious enough when I read them before, but reading it in tandem with the books was priceless and made the bad stuff all go away. Once you get into the right frame of mind, the whole thing is not more painful than really bad fanfic anyway. 


 
That's about all my scrambled brain can come up with. All in all, the book was all the LOLfan in me wanted. Maybe I should be grateful for Eclipse for preparing me somewhat. Actually, I kinda feel the strange urge to read it again. 

...

Oh. My. God. This book has given me Stockholm Syndrome. 

HELP!
 
ladymirth: (AHBL - no!)
 I know, I know, I'm sorry, I have to get this out there. Feel free to use the scroll button. 

Re Eclipse Chapter 22: Fire and Ice

You. Are. Shitting. Me. 


Jesus, this book really is a trainwreck. And if Eclipse is this bad, chances are that Breaking Dawn is going to be a fucking natural disaster. 
ladymirth: (AHBL - no!)
Up to chapter fifteen of Eclipse.

This is the most toe-curlingly horrible drivel in book form I've ever read in my life. I can't believe that teenage girls and grown women swoon over these neanderthals. A controlling, borderline psychoitc, disgustingly chauvinistic vampire and a boorish caveman of a were-asshole (Whatever happened to my beautiful, sweet Jacob?!). Both of whom treat the woman they love like a fucking object rather than a person in her own right. Because in Smeyer's twisted little fantasy world, free will is something that only happens to boring people and twu wuv is the most important thing in the world, for which one should give up their humanity and a college education, but not their singleton status (WTFx100000).

Mary Sues I can put up with, but this level of deranged madness is severely testing me. Cleolinda groaned in her recap how inconvenient it is that e-books can't be thrown across the room and be set on fire. I echo tis sentiment.

Also, maybe it's because of my Buddhist upbringing, but I am not inclined to view people who'd rather hunt down and kill wild animals than humans as Not Evil. I believe that killing a dog is as great a sin as killing a man. And I understand that that's just my world-view, but I'm rather more interested in the safety of baby penguins in the Antartica than whether Bella gets to enjoy her sparkly twu wuv on a strict non-humanitarian diet. Especially since baby penguins are less detrimental to the efforts of women's rights movements of the last hundred years.

The only way this series could end happily for me now is if Edward and Jacob ripped each other to pieces over their little human doll and Bella dies by having a sea turtle dropped on her head while they're not looking.

Hey, at least I will be happy.

I suppose I'll finish the book anyway. It's kind of like watching a train wreck. You can't bear to watch it happen but its too horrifying to look away from either.

That, or I'm just masochistic.

*sigh* See you guys on the other side.
ladymirth: (bucket dance)
I've finished Twilight, and I'm halfway through New Moon.

I love it!


I don't get it. It's an average book, with silly vampire lore, an annoying heroine and a rather hot werewolf. I don't even like first-person narratives, aside from Rebecca.

ButIcantputitdownZOMGpleasesendhelp!

*meep*

ETA:They fursploded! THEY FURSPLODED! Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ on a popsicle stand, they actually do fursplode! ROTFLMFAO! Have I mentioned that I love this book?!
ladymirth: (AHBL - no!)
This is the sort of absolute mind-boggling fan batshittery that presents me with one of three choices:
a)cry for sweet Baby Jesus/ Krishna/ Buddha/ Anyone to come rescue mankind,
b)tear hair out and give these idiots the paddling their Mums forgot until they're forced to grow the hell up, or
c)point, mock and laugh hysterically.

Considering how well it can be set to the "Fresh Prince of Bell Air" theme, I think I'll go with option three.

I am also rather inclined to forgive them, in light of the completely unrelated "Twatlighters - Men In Black Style" spoof it indirectly spawned.

All's well that ends LOL!
ladymirth: (Default)
Dear Fans,

Yes, WB moved HPB moved to next summer as a marketing decision, since they have few other big blockbusters lined up to make money off. Yes, I get that you're quite understandably pissed off and disappointed, as I would be too if I had ever given a damn about the HP movies. But you know, WB is a business and making money is what businesses do. And chances right now are that HPB will be an even bigger hit in the summer, which is when people usually kick back and go to movies.

But please, please do not insinuate/ hint/ gripe about how WB pulled HPB because it is SCARED OF COMPETING WITH FUCKING TWILIGHT. Half the movie-going public has yet to even catch wind of SMeyer's novel. I don't hate the book, I've never even read it, but I DO know that HP has been a ten-year-long international phenomenon the likes of which Twilight can never compete with at this stage.

Especially after that godawful EW Twilight cover that has RPattz looking like a cross between a zombie and sugar donut.

So the next person to announce that one of the most lucrative movie franchises ever is shakin' in its boots because of some sparkly vampire is going to have their crack taken away and LOCKED UP.

Thank you.

With love and a headache,
Moi

EDIT: This is not a reaction to what any of my flist has posted but a reaction to the sickening level of fan entitlement that's splooging going on at the Leaky Cauldron Boards. Eurgh.
ladymirth: (damn)
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