Apr. 20th, 2009

ladymirth: (kripke baby jesus)
How not to get possessed/ your plane crashed by a demon:

1.  Stay away from air vents.

2.  Hack into the airline employee database and make sure nobody who was previously involved in a plane crash is on board. 

3.  Take a nonchalant stroll up and down the ramp and check whether anybody creepy black or yellow eyes. If somebody has red eyes, it's either a crossroads demon or an Underworld fangeek and should be avoided at all costs in either case.

4.   Always carry your Handy Instant Holy Water Making Tool Kit - a water squirter, Bible and rosary.

5.   If you see anybody moving toward the emergency exit, slug him and threaten him with your Holy Water Gun.

6.   Learn excorcism rituals by heart in case your Bible flies out the emergency exit while you're grappling with the demon.

7.   Avoid grappling with the demon.

8.  Road trips are good alternatives to plane travel, but stay away from possibly haunted inter-state highways (in case of ghosts and phantom Ku Klux Klan trucks), bridges (also in case of ghosts), moors (more ghosts), swamps, cross-roads (demons), corn-fields (high school football players), orchards (man-eating pagan gods), woods (vampires) and any form of abandoned houses, factories, barns and motels.

Aw hell, you might just stay the fuck at home. But remember to salt the windows and keep an iron poker on you at all times. And NEVER GO IN THE BASEMENT!  

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