I’ve seen the darkness.
Jan. 20th, 2007 12:32 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladymirthLet it be known that I have seen all.
I’m actually a no-talent nobody whom people generally only tolerate with a barely hidden condescension. I’m really not a funny person – that is pure self-delusion. I’m actually a bloody bore destined to lead a frighteningly bland, mediocre life, which will probably look like a supporting role in a James Joyce novel. Nobody will ever need me, or want me, or love me other than my parents. They love me because they have to. They’d feel guilty about procreation otherwise. I’m of no use to anybody. Just a fly in the windshield of life.
Some people may say I’m pretty now, but I’ll probably develop sagging cheekbones at 25 and it’ll all be downhill from there. I’ll be a dark, dumpy old hag nobody would look twice at, by the time I’m 30. I’ll probably have to succumb to an arranged marriage. And divorce at 40.
What was it my one-time great friend once said? “Nobody who ever had to live with you could ever like you”. She should know. She was my traveling companion and roommate for a solid month, and the only person I’ve lived with apart from my family.
I have a serious fear of divorce. Everybody knows I can’t keep my commitments. Nobody in the family has ever got a divorce except my uncle and people only overlook that because he’s a man and he’s rich. Widows have a hard enough time of it, female divorcees practically have “failure” tattooed on their foreheads as far as my culture is concerned. Stupid bloody conservative culture!
I’ll probably turn into a petty, jealous, malcontent, self-absorbed, boring old hag. I’m halfway there already. I’m going to be so horribly alone!
I don’t want to live anymore. The world is too big for me. And the years are too long.
Fuck positive thinking. It’s just not possible at one o’clock in the morning.
I’m actually a no-talent nobody whom people generally only tolerate with a barely hidden condescension. I’m really not a funny person – that is pure self-delusion. I’m actually a bloody bore destined to lead a frighteningly bland, mediocre life, which will probably look like a supporting role in a James Joyce novel. Nobody will ever need me, or want me, or love me other than my parents. They love me because they have to. They’d feel guilty about procreation otherwise. I’m of no use to anybody. Just a fly in the windshield of life.
Some people may say I’m pretty now, but I’ll probably develop sagging cheekbones at 25 and it’ll all be downhill from there. I’ll be a dark, dumpy old hag nobody would look twice at, by the time I’m 30. I’ll probably have to succumb to an arranged marriage. And divorce at 40.
What was it my one-time great friend once said? “Nobody who ever had to live with you could ever like you”. She should know. She was my traveling companion and roommate for a solid month, and the only person I’ve lived with apart from my family.
I have a serious fear of divorce. Everybody knows I can’t keep my commitments. Nobody in the family has ever got a divorce except my uncle and people only overlook that because he’s a man and he’s rich. Widows have a hard enough time of it, female divorcees practically have “failure” tattooed on their foreheads as far as my culture is concerned. Stupid bloody conservative culture!
I’ll probably turn into a petty, jealous, malcontent, self-absorbed, boring old hag. I’m halfway there already. I’m going to be so horribly alone!
I don’t want to live anymore. The world is too big for me. And the years are too long.
Fuck positive thinking. It’s just not possible at one o’clock in the morning.
