ladymirth

Finished Breaking Dawn.

It wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. Eclipse prepared me for what was to come, and I'd read and boggled over all the spoilers beforehand anyway, so I was not caught unawares as the rest of the poor sods who read Breaking Dawn cluelessly for the first time. Having cleolinda  's hilarious Twilight summaries on hand also contributed toward making it an almost rewarding experience. They were hilarious enough when I read them before, but reading it in tandem with the books was priceless and made the bad stuff all go away. Once you get into the right frame of mind, the whole thing is not more painful than really bad fanfic anyway. 


 
That's about all my scrambled brain can come up with. All in all, the book was all the LOLfan in me wanted. Maybe I should be grateful for Eclipse for preparing me somewhat. Actually, I kinda feel the strange urge to read it again. 

...

Oh. My. God. This book has given me Stockholm Syndrome. 

HELP!
 

Up to chapter fifteen of Eclipse.

This is the most toe-curlingly horrible drivel in book form I've ever read in my life. I can't believe that teenage girls and grown women swoon over these neanderthals. A controlling, borderline psychoitc, disgustingly chauvinistic vampire and a boorish caveman of a were-asshole (Whatever happened to my beautiful, sweet Jacob?!). Both of whom treat the woman they love like a fucking object rather than a person in her own right. Because in Smeyer's twisted little fantasy world, free will is something that only happens to boring people and twu wuv is the most important thing in the world, for which one should give up their humanity and a college education, but not their singleton status (WTFx100000).

Mary Sues I can put up with, but this level of deranged madness is severely testing me. Cleolinda groaned in her recap how inconvenient it is that e-books can't be thrown across the room and be set on fire. I echo tis sentiment.

Also, maybe it's because of my Buddhist upbringing, but I am not inclined to view people who'd rather hunt down and kill wild animals than humans as Not Evil. I believe that killing a dog is as great a sin as killing a man. And I understand that that's just my world-view, but I'm rather more interested in the safety of baby penguins in the Antartica than whether Bella gets to enjoy her sparkly twu wuv on a strict non-humanitarian diet. Especially since baby penguins are less detrimental to the efforts of women's rights movements of the last hundred years.

The only way this series could end happily for me now is if Edward and Jacob ripped each other to pieces over their little human doll and Bella dies by having a sea turtle dropped on her head while they're not looking.

Hey, at least I will be happy.

I suppose I'll finish the book anyway. It's kind of like watching a train wreck. You can't bear to watch it happen but its too horrifying to look away from either.

That, or I'm just masochistic.

*sigh* See you guys on the other side.