What price the fine feathers?

[ladymirth]

Well, things are much better. My counselor couldn't see me at all because she was booked into next week (Poor woman. She's always being pulled in ten different directions at any given minute. I sometimes wonder whether she has time to eat, sleep and go to the bathroom.) so she gave me referrals to see a homeopath and get something temporary done for the depression and the sleeping disorder to tide me over to my finals next week. We will be starting therapy sessions afterward. I didn't contact the homeopath because I am not really big on this stuff, and I discovered that I could function and study rather better as long as I stay out of the house and avoid my parents as much as possible. I feel almost normal now, only I can feel my emotions simmering sinisterly close to the surface, like a tickle in my throat, even though I feel calm and collected for the most part.

I've been spending inordinate amounts of time at campus for the past two days. Normally, I never hang around there unless I have class since I've never really had a particular crowd to hang out with, but the change of environment helps me focus, and since it's finals week and there's a lot more studying and a lot less hell-raising going around the place, it's actually motivating to study there. Luckily, I'm not a person who feels lonely easily; give me a book and an MP3 player and I don't need any direct human contact for hours. Having them around makes good scenery though. *g*

Basically, I've turned my academic life around. I'm getting a medical certificate to pacify my professors, and they are going to let me make up most of the assignments I missed. It turns out that I haven't done so badly in Biology as I thought; despite the absences, I should still be able to pull in an A-minus if I do well in the final. The Statistics prof, sweet man, is letting me retake all the quizzes and assignments, and I have a good feeling about the final. Psychology is a wash-out, though, as this is the class that suffered most from my sleeping disorder. Luckily, the Psych Prof is also my school counselor, and she was sympathetic enough to advise me to get a 'incomplete' on her course this semester, and rejoin next semester, since it's too late for me to withdraw from her class outright now. Which means that the stress of doing my research paper has now been lifted. Thank goodness. It's one of the things that's been getting to me the most. I can be accused of many things during the course of my academic career, but half-assed research projects aren't one of them.

But anyway, to get to the point of this post.

I am rather well-known at campus for being a meticulous dresser. Actually, there are times when I am rather over-dressed. I don't mind though; I would rather wear something that makes me feel good even if I know it's a bit over the top, than wear something I don't care about. Clothes are a hobby of mine - after all those years of having no sense of style whatsoever, the world of fashion is opening up to me like an oyster and I am having a lot of fun experimenting. Whenever I feel crappy, or anticipate a stressful day, I put on something pretty and sexy and smart. So whatever the day throws at me, I feel like I should live upto my suit.

Plus, it's fun to catch guys checking me out. That's STILL a novelty. *g*

Lately, I've been letting this tradition slide. More and more, I've been wearing old jeans with plain t-shirts and blouses that I just snagged off the top of the clothes rack, with my hair pulled into a practical ponytail and no make-up. (Not exactly hobo, but nothing that'd pull me out of a crowd.) The whole Plain Jane look. This morning, since I felt better than I had in weeks, I decided to make bit of effort. I decided to experiment with my new hairstyle, moussing all the curls back into it, and clipping it back with a soft side part that my mother hates so much. (I have learned that any hairstyle or fashion accessory my mother hates will be one that the rest of the world will LOVE.) A short black coudroy skirt (my mother hates us wearing short skirts, even if it is just above the knees. "How can you walk down the street with the boys hooting at your bare legs?") and a long-sleeved top with thin black and white stripes and a deep neck ("That neck is too low," observed Mum) matched with high-heeled white sandals ("you'll twist your ankles again on those things,"). Large silver hoop earrings ("Those look like they belong to the circus monkeys") and a long necklace of large black beads ("They look  like those chanting rosaries that those weirdo hippies wear") completed the outfit. And I got serious with my old neglected friends, the eyeliner and mascara stick.

So I walked in to campus, feeling that the world owed me a few points today. As I stepped off the elevator, this guy, who was I recognized as being from the Campus Marketing, came up to me.

Marketing guy: "Excuse me, but are you new to Campus*?"
Me: (Unsure if I should feel insulted) "No, this is my fourth semester."
Marketing guy: "Really? I haven't seen you around. Listen, I was wondering if you could volunteer for one of our photo shoots."
Me: (Stupidly) "Photo shoots?" (I had visions of holding a lighting stand in front of the camera.)
Marketing guy: "Yeah. You know, like the ones we have on the brochures. Of the kids holding scales in the lab and in the cafeteria and stuff."
Me: "Oh. When are you having it?"
Marketing guy: "We haven't set a date yet, but it should be around this month. We already have Jacqueline and Tanisha signed up, so if you would like to as well..."

The mention of Jacqueline was what threw me. Jacqueline is one of the hottest faces in Campus and she's a part-time model. The thought of sharing a photo shoot with Jacqueline, of all people, made me feel like it must be some giant practical joke. Besides, the people who get called in for this stuff are the really beautiful people like Tina and Piyo.

So I told him that I'd be fine with it if it didn't clash with my finals and gave him my number and left. I was a little nervous about giving him my number, but I know where he works and he could get fired if he abuses that. Still, it's the oldest line in the book, telling a girl that he's a modelling agent/ talent scout/ photographer to get her number.

I fairly certain he was serious though, since he wasn't trying to flirt with me. Which makes it even more surreal. This guy didn't know me from Eve for four semesters. How in the world did I get in league with the likes of  Jackie, Tina and Piyo? 

It just confirms what I always thought about the world. The type of beauty that the world cares about can be bought by anyone with youth, clothes, make up and photoshop.

Doesn't mean I don't feel a little flattered, though. *snerk*

*Name withheld to protect privacy. What I have left of it. *g*

Comments

[pgwfolc.livejournal.com]

Congrats on turning things around! That's great news! Keep it up, and hope it goes well from here. :)

As for the photo shoot... dressing up can make a big difference. Show you to your best potential and blah blah. But while it's possible to show or hide beauty, there has to be something there to show. You can hide some of the flaws, you can do touch-ups, etc. But, in the end, the underlying beauty has to be there.

So...

It just confirms what I always thought about the world. The type of beauty that the world cares about can be bought by anyone with youth, clothes, make up and photoshop.

No, it can't be bought by anyone.

And, more importantly... I think the world deserves more credit than that. Photo shoots and ads and such are superficial, yes, but the world as a whole is only superficial to those who don't take the time to look more carefully.

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Paul. That's sweet of you. =)

I dunno. Maybe not the WHOLE world. Maybe just a goodly portion of it. Or maybe some of them are superficial about some things some of the time.

Ugh. It's no good trying to speak sense to me, Paul. I am in a rather silly mood. Shall take your comment under advisement though. =)

[just-ruth.livejournal.com]

Enjoy it while you can! Shine brightly so you can be seen for miles.

[betgirl.livejournal.com]

Congrats on having the strength to fight this, even though it must be really hard.

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

*considers*

So you think I should take the lighting job? 'Cause I might be better at that than the whole pose-and-say-cheese deal. *g*

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

Thanks! the nice thing about hitting rock-bottom is that the only way to go from there is up. =)