ladymirth

I do not think it is healthy for a person to laugh quite this much in the morning.

Afterlife!Snape Verse by Minerva McTabby

Oh, Snape went to the Pearly Gates
But they wouldn't let him in.
They said the Mark upon his arm
Betrayed a life of Sin.

Then Snape went to the Gates of Hell
But they laughed and threw him out.
They told him his Patronus
Placed his evilness in doubt.

Then Snape went to Valhalla:
There was meat and ale and song.
And it was packed with Gryffindors,
So he didn't stay for long.

Then Snape went down to Duat,
Where they tried to weigh his heart.
But his wandless "Leviosa!"
Made the feather fall apart.

Then Snape tried the Grey Havens,
Which was full of bloody elves.
And a sign that read "No Slytherins"
Meant they kept it for themselves.

Then Snape went through the Discworld,
Where his stoppered theory worked.
And a voice said: TAKE THE CORK OUT, NOW!
And the Potions Master smirked.

Then Snape went to the River Styx
Where they asked him for two Knuts
And he sang "Don't Pay the Ferryman"
And they kicked him in the guts.

So he chose reincarnation...
Just as Harry spilled his seed.
And that's why Albus Severus
Is a special boy indeed.

Also, for your consideration: Yet more Summary Executions by

mctabby

My favourites:

A young woman leading 12 children travels from America to seek out one Severus Snape. Strife, Romance and Anguish follow in her footsteps. (I don't even want to think what the other nine children's names are.)

Angel Night, the taster of the Forbidden Fruit of Love, hider of The Lost prophocey, daughter of an Angel and lover of well you'll just have to find out. (Call me perverted but it sounds to me like this chick did the dirty with Adam while Eve was still trying to work out what all the wobbly bits were supposed to be. Although I have no idea how Harry Potter figures into it.)

Brianne, Dawn, Lily and the Mauraders have become a tight nit group. (I keep thinking this is fanfic about head lice.)

Caught in the crossfire of a drunken mess and an unstable heart, Ginerva Weasley must figure out the troubles of her heart before Draco Malfoy catches her in his venus fly trap.

Confessions of Lucius Malfoy. From hig begging to his Terrible end. (Hig begging? Is that new sex trick? Lucius, you man-whore!)

Elf Draco is not a wizard, he is much more. Sex with a comatose person and more. Hetero goblins kissing. The story is dark and rude. (This feels like another version of Claiming Beauty written by Anne Rice when she was feeling even more psychotic than usual.)

every wonder what Severus looks like with a normal sized nose. FIND OUT. my spelling is a little off so please don't remind me. (Is it bad that I am consumed by a desire to read this fic?)

Harry has several problems once he gets rid of most of the Horcruxes.
1. The within the first month at Hogwarts, he gets a death threat
2. Neville's toad made the Death threat and framed it on Greyback
3. The Weasleys are after his money and after control of the entire wizarding world
these are just a sampling of the surprises of this morbid history of the year leading up to the battle. I follow the styles of Miguel de Cervantes and Mario Puzo and recommend all books referenced, though I have of course no rights to them :(.

Harry is fearing that he and Ginny really are too different than what Ginny knows.... Since Harry is going out with Henna! Little does Henna know that Harry is going out with Ginny! Then, when they find out, neither of them will talk to Harry, or each other. Harry is a wreck! He can't sleep, and when he does, he dreams Voldmort is killing all three of them and it's all because he couldn't decide. All his fault. Poor Harry! Plus Snape and Malfoy are torturing him like heck! He is totally broken out of shape when Hermoine and Ron turn against him! Oh no! ( So basically, death by exclamation point is the least of Harry's problems, yeah?)

Harry Potters maourning the death of Sirius Black, his god father. Upon being taken to the Weasleys, Harry runs... err... flys from his life only to come to the lost city of King Aurther. Thats right Camalot! (And hits on Lancelot until he is accused of being the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby by a giant shrubbery that says "Ni!"! He also finds out he dies in book seven and ~~AKs~~ lethally Disarms the director for spoiling him.)

Hermione is changing her thoughts about everything, her studing herbits, relying on books for everything, and her feelings for not just one boy, but two. (I only realized this story did not, in fact, contain rent-boy hobbits on the third re-reading. Now I feel cheated.)

It does not go well with Harry Potter. In order to increase Harry's magical power, Dumbledore infects Harry and two girls with a disease. And his power surges. (STD-laced Viagra?)

James Potter-Talented, smart, charming, Slytherin Poster Boy and Prince, Hybrid (a part vampire, part werewolf) cannot fall in love. It's impossible. He is also a twin (his sister Jennica is at Beaubatons) Lilliana Evans- Sweet, kind, caring, smart, studious, Gryffindor's Princess cannot fall for a Slytherin! She is also a twin (her brother Demon goes to Durmstrange) Both fall in love when they first meet and set off a bunch of suprises that will last for a lifetime. But what does the four new Hybrids have to do with this? Everything-including their name: Harry James Michael Potter, Amber Lilliana Azalea Potter, Draco Remus Demon Potter and Hermione Andromeda Pacifica Black (Draco and her are explained later). (My brain exploded somewhere after the first "Demon".)

Life seems to be okay, but when you find out you have to mate, it only gets stranger. (I'm sure it rocked your world to find out that story about the rainbow and the cabbage patch wasn't true. )

PWP i'm making this up as i go. I'm really sorry if this sounds really close to anyone elses story(s) but this is a huge site and i cant read everything and come up with something totally original. Hermione is bitten by Lupin. Rufus whatever his name is makes a new law n its not safe for her to stay so Lupin sends her back in time. She fancies him.....n my dad said they should get together so i'm workin on that.

Serpentine fights to bring back her father and mother as she handles being a princess and training to be a Death Eater on her shoulders. (Could not make head nor tail of this summary till it dawned on me with acute horror, that "Serpentine" was supposed to be an actual girl's name.)

Servus Snape once loved a woman with all his hearts. (Especially the alligator one in the pickled jar on the top shelf of the supply cupboard.)

Sirius was about to say something to her, when he came in. He locked eyes with her, and she felt butterflies flop inside her. He smiled, and she felt her stomach do a backflip. (It's a bit like the dolphin show at SeaWorld.)

Standard pregnant man throwing a hissy fit. (There's a standard for pregnant men throwing hissy fits?)

There are lots of popping K words in the dictionary. Keen, confused, and curious are some of them. This story is about a seventeen-year-old transfer student named Keilana who is all three of the above. (Including "Krackpot")

When Harry broke her heart, Ginny became reckless, now she follows him and strolls in the way of certain Draco Malfoy who is more than meets her eye. He apparently left more of him inside her than they imagine, but I don't mean inside her heart XD ( Suddenly, I feel extremely pro-abstinence. EW!)

While walking around the grounds of Hogwart's Harry find's a girl the same age as him 16 passed out. But the thing that get's him is that she black angel wing's and the same color eye's as him...at time's. She's childess at time's but now's what to say. (She's childless at times?! Is this the illegitimate child of Henry DeTamble?)