Update

[ladymirth]

I've been depressed since February. Quit my job. Refused to be medicated. Tried homeopathy. Reccomended cousellor won't be available till the 10th though. Went back to gym. I thought I was getting better for a while. 

Went on a downward spiral again two days ago. Back at rock bottom now. So many things to do, so many talents and opportunities I have to make use of and I can't make myself do a shitting thing without having a massive panic attack. Wondering whether I won't be able to go to uni this year as well. 

Not that I particularly want to go. I don't want anything, much. I don't want to read anything, watch anything on TV, listen to new music or talk to friends or hunt up my old dreams...nothing really. Can't focus to save my life.

I just really want to want something from life again, so I can start remembering who I am. I just want to not be in pain anymore. 

I didn't want to say anything because so many of you are dealing with worse problems than mine. I know it's selfish to whine. Academically, I know there's nothing wrong with my life apart from my depression. That's why it's even more infuriating to have every advantage available to you and still feel crippled because your dumbass brain is refusing to let you be happy. 

Comments

[skund.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Don't apologise or think you're whining. Depression is a horrible, horrible road to end up on. I know just how crippling it is. I'm a scientist but I almost failed high school purely because my depression meant I just didn't care enough to even turn up enough to pass.

It's just... hard. So very hard. And there's so many people to help you, but you don't feel it. But that doesn't mean they're not there. And things get better, I promise. They do.

[lucywiggin.livejournal.com]

Ok, I know it's hard to believe it right now, but meds do help. Please take them.

[pgwfolc.livejournal.com]

It's not selfish to whine. It's important to get this stuff out. For a number of reasons. And don't discount the pain. There's always someone going through worse, but what you're going through is happening to you. Your pain is as real as anyone else's. More so, since it's yours.

I don't know what's causing your depression, but I hope you can get it fixed somehow.

Meantime, if there's anything I we can do, just say the word.

[just-ruth.livejournal.com]

I love your icon.

[pgwfolc.livejournal.com]

Thanks. It's been more useful than one would have hoped, but it does serve the purpose.

[just-ruth.livejournal.com]

Hasini, depression is a long hard road that you may find yourself on all your life. I hope you realize that help is out there as are a lot of folks who really care about you.

[un-sedentary.livejournal.com]

I didn't want to say anything because so many of you are dealing with worse problems than mine. I know it's selfish to whine. Academically, I know there's nothing wrong with my life apart from my depression. That's why it's even more infuriating to have every advantage available to you and still feel crippled because your dumbass brain is refusing to let you be happy.

You have no idea how much these words resound with me. I've been stressed and on edge and on the verge of tears at random moments and feeling like my nerves are shot and frayed, for months now, and haven't been able to being myself to tell anyone about it. Least of all my best friend because she has much worse problems than me right now. I wrote a really long entry a few weeks ago and ended up posting it as private for the same reasons. It's so hard to find the right words to describe this feeling without making it sound like whining.

For what it's worth - I completely understand.

And there is help, I know it and you know it, even though it's not easy to ask for. But it's there. And I know you care about life (or you wouldn't be wishing to get it back right now) and you care about people (like your boyfriend and your brother, about whom you wrote a really touching and enlightening entry) and you care about yourself and your future (or you wouldn't be planning to go to university).

I think we'll both be okay.

[annabtg.livejournal.com]

Hasini!

***hugs***

It's so sad to hear you talk like that :(

I don't really know what to tell you... I'm just recovering from a bad situation myself, and I know how it might feel selfish to whine. But don't think that. Talking does you good. And depression is not a "small" problem, quite the contrary. Even if it were, though - if it weighs in your mind, it's something that needs to be solved, never mind whether it's "big" or "small". And there are people here who want to help you and will never think of you as selfish because you want to talk things out. I'm one of them ;)

Take care ♥

[cyad.livejournal.com]

aww ***hugs Hasini senseless... so brain glitches and sets itself back up to euphoria state of happiness***

Gotta back up just_ruth on the life long timeline of depression. it's a thing you have to fight everyday. Some days, fight's light, even non-existent, some others it's hard. Either ways you still have to fight. And sometimes, you even have to fight your family's non-understanding of that lifetime stuff... which can also be quite exhausting and depression-inducing, but I disgress.

Sorry you quit job. Was it too stressful for you? 'cause sometimes, stress at work can induce depression and... if it was the case: good thing you did! *props*

Better quit job than boy, right?

So sorry to hear you spiralled down again. Truth be told, I sometimes get depressed phases I refuse to talk about, ever here 'cause... well... I don't want to appear all whiny but... it's so good you went back to gym. Do you still exercise? It's good for the mood and... if you have the opportunity to get out in the sun and sit there, luminosity's an instant mood lifter. Also... listening to the sea for at least 15 minutes (that is, if you live near the sea) is reknowned to destress you immediately. If you can lay your hands on officinal lavender, orange blossom and roses: good in infusion.

Meditation and visualisation are also good but, I don't know if you're into that kind of stuff.

And, I know it can be hard to find at times, especially if you're feeling way down but... find something that brings light to your life: be it a pet, a fluffed animal, a friend, a sound, a smell, a hobby, a place, a passion. And whatever it is, stick to it. Even if people tell you it's wrong. If it makes you feel better, heck, happy: then it's good for you.

Don't forget to take long walks and not remain locked inside your house. Also depressing. Get outside, see friends, connect. It'll do you good.

In any case, remember that you're not alone, and that we love you, and that we need you and... remember that gift I sent you from Canada, QC? Well, I hope you still have it. Also remember that I think of you every day and that gift... I'll make sure it's my connection to you right now. Because, yes, I've been feeling better these days.

***massive tiger hugs & positive+protective thoughts& grab the starry apple***

And, don't hesitate to vent, whine, talk it off here, that's what lj-blogging is for. Trust me, it won't be worse than my late 2006 to not-so-long-ago updates. :)

Smile, sing... even if you don't feel like it. Singing helps to center and focus back on yourself. And, you take good care and don't let go, right? Promise e you won't... or else, I'll send you a Goth Teddy bear, I swear! :D

**huggles**

[cyad.livejournal.com]

I know I shouldn't say it but: good on refsing meds. If you refused, then it means you feel up to not needing it. Means you're not in such a bad shape. Mind speaking.

Don't forget to eat and remember it takes time to get better since... mind's way slower than the body to recover. So... don't be impatient or try to rush tings. Give yourself time.

Also, can you get massages? helps once in a while... reconnecting mind and body, you know? I'll shut up now or else, I'll be bound to spam your thread with andi-depression tricks I'm sure you already know of... Good thing is, it allows me to:

***more hugs***