I’ve seen the darkness.

Let it be known that I have seen all.

I’m actually a no-talent nobody whom people generally only tolerate with a barely hidden condescension. I’m really not a funny person – that is pure self-delusion. I’m actually a bloody bore destined to lead a frighteningly bland, mediocre life, which will probably look like a supporting role in a James Joyce novel. Nobody will ever need me, or want me, or love me other than my parents. They love me because they have to. They’d feel guilty about procreation otherwise. I’m of no use to anybody. Just a fly in the windshield of life.

Some people may say I’m pretty now, but I’ll probably develop sagging cheekbones at 25 and it’ll all be downhill from there. I’ll be a dark, dumpy old hag nobody would look twice at, by the time I’m 30. I’ll probably have to succumb to an arranged marriage. And divorce at 40.

What was it my one-time great friend once said? “Nobody who ever had to live with you could ever like you”. She should know. She was my traveling companion and roommate for a solid month, and the only person I’ve lived with apart from my family.

I have a serious fear of divorce. Everybody knows I can’t keep my commitments. Nobody in the family has ever got a divorce except my uncle and people only overlook that because he’s a man and he’s rich. Widows have a hard enough time of it, female divorcees practically have “failure” tattooed on their foreheads as far as my culture is concerned. Stupid bloody conservative culture!

I’ll probably turn into a petty, jealous, malcontent, self-absorbed, boring old hag. I’m halfway there already. I’m going to be so horribly alone!

I don’t want to live anymore. The world is too big for me. And the years are too long.

Fuck positive thinking. It’s just not possible at one o’clock in the morning.

Lois and Clark Season 3 Quotes!

Thanks be to Zoomway!

(After Lois has figured out about Superman)

Clark: So, how mad are you?
Lois: I'm not mad.
Clark: Excuse me.
Lois: I'm not mad at all.
Clark: Lois, this is not really a time to hold back.
Lois: I'm not.
Clark: I'm sorry. I was talking to Lois Lane. I know she was here a second ago. And I know she wouldn't really react . . .
Lois: I'm hurt.
Clark: Oh.
Lois: I'm really, really hurt.
Clark: Which is gonna be worse than mad, isn't it?

 

Lois: And it just got more complicated when you realized you loved me.

Clark: Which was about two minutes after I met you.

Lois: Don't try and score points.

Clark: Sorry.

 

(Lois confronts Clark about him avoiding her using Superman as an excuse)

Clark: Look, Lois, there's certain things about me being Superman
that you're just going to have to get used to.
Lois: Huh, really? Like the urgent need to umpire a kid's baseball game for two hours?
Clark: You know that was a very tense situation cause the kids were yelling at each other, and they had bats and stuff.

 

Lois: Clark, do you realize what just happened? We were sent to

investigate, and we spent the whole time wallowing. We wallowed. I hate wallowers, and that's what we've turned into -- a couple of sighing, slack-jawed, self-pitying wallowers.

 

Clark: I did get things out in the open, starting with "Will you marry me?".

Lois: No, I got things out in the open, starting with "You are

Superman."

Clark: A little louder. I don't think they heard you in Gotham City.

Lois: Speaking of which, when were you planning on telling me? The

honeymoon? Our first anniversary? When the kids started flying around the house?

 

Lois: I'm not working too hard. Can I go back to work?

 

Perry: Hey, Lois, word to the wise. Honey, there'll always be another headless corpse, but true love comes around maybe once.

 

(Having literally been marooned on a desert island)

Lois: No, no, no. What we need is a sauna, and a massage, and some

room service. So why don't you just scoop me up into your arms and fly us off? Maybe we're near Rio.

Clark: No scooping. No flying.

Lois: You have been scooping and flying on a fairly regular basis ever since I have known you. And now, now that we are surrounded by crazed insects and murderous plants, now, you think would be a bad time.

Clark: Lois, you challenged me to let the world get along without me for a weekend. Me and the world, we seem to be doing just fine. You, on the other hand, are a wreck.

 

Lois: I can't believe I was complaining about Camembert from France. It's like those words came from a different woman, a clean woman, a dope.

 

 Lois: Your parents made marriage look fun. Mine made it look like a root canal.

 

Spencer Spencer: You know, I was gonna kill you for all that crap you

wrote about me, but then I thought you might prefer an exciting career opportunity.

Lois: What do you mean?

Spencer Spencer: You can be my sex slave.

Lois: Kill me.

 

Clark: Well, you figured me out, I'm not Superman.

Lois: He's not Superman.

Clark: A passing resemblance maybe.

Lois: It's a thing he does at parties.

 

Clark: How come, when you repeat what I say, it sounds so dumb?

 

Lois: Yes, I love Clark. I love him so much, and he is so dumb.

 

Lois: I walked out because the plot is just warmed-over Bambi without the political subtext.

 

Lois: We're about as in sync as the English in a Japanese horror film.

 

Lois: You can fly. I can stay mad. It's a gift.

 

Clark: So what are you saying? I should go crawling back on my hands

and knees?

Martha: No, honey. Fly back. It's faster.

 

Lois: And even though it's your fault, I feel like it's mine. Good old Clark. Good old Superman. Crabby old Lois.

 

Lois: I'm going to be a professional and go to the interview and

internalize my feelings so I get an ulcer the size of Cleveland.

 

Superman: Women! Earth women!

 

Larry Smiley: Female hawk, you are ridin' on a horse called domination, and you won't get off. Does she need a time out?

Crowd: Yes.

Smiley: Step on outside, female hawk, and don't you return until you are singin' with the choir.

Lois: Really? Do I have to? Oh, shucks.

(Lois leaves).

Smiley: You know something, you got a tiger by the tail there, boy.

Clark: Tell me about it.

 

Lois: Clark, we're in the rejected pile.

Clark: Lois, don't you think that's probably a good thing.

Lois: Well, I'd like to feel wanted. Smiley says we're not compatible. He says I don't trust you or respect you, and he doesn't know why you even put up with me.

Clark: Lois, the guy's a murderer.

Lois: Of course, I trust you, and I respect you more than anyone else I've ever met. And, you know, if I do get angry, it's only because I have never opened up to somebody so much in my whole life. And it hurts me when I feel like that trust isn't returned. And you know you put up with me for the same reason I put up with you -- it's because I'm completely in love with you!

Clark: And I love you. Did we just make up?

Lois: I think so.

(Kiss)

Lois: Can we maybe do this some place that's not so musty and not owned by a killer?

 

Clark: It's not the M-word that makes it forever for me, Lois. My love is forever because . . . because it just is.

 

(In Lois’ James Bond nightmare)

Lois/Miss Goodbottom: Let me take care of this. I know how to handle

him. I'll give him a migraine. Who does he think he is busting out of prison making our lives miserable?

Clark/James Bond: In future years, when I've gone on to a series of successful sequels and you've gone on to relative obscurity, please remember that, at this moment, I was only thinking of you.

Lois/Miss Goodbottom: Clark!

Clark/James Bond: The name is Man. Super Man.

 

(Clark’s nightmare about how his Superman duties may clash with his marriage)

Perry/Friday: Let me tell you something, Mr. Kent, your wife may have

been the one to go psycho . . .

Jimmy/Gannon: . . . trash the supermarket . . .

Perry/Friday: . . . throw over all the vegetable bins . . .

Jimmy/Gannon: . . . melt the entire freezer section.

Perry/Friday: But you drove her to it. You're just as guilty.

Clark: G...g...guilty of what?

Jimmy/Gannon: Indifference.

Perry/Friday: Preoccupation with other things.

Jimmy/Gannon: No emotional support.

Perry/Friday: No time for bedtime stories.

Jimmy/Gannon: And don't give me another saving-the-Hoover-dam alibi

cause I've heard it all before.

 

Perry: Where's your bulletproof vest?

Lois: Dry cleaners. Let me wear that tie. Bullets'll run screaming.

Perry: It's a gift.

 

Lois: Ever since we met . . . actually, ever since I took the time to listen, something about you always made sense to me. Even when a huge part of you didn't make any sense, there was a part deep down that did. That's the part that touches me. Just makes sense out of life.

 

(Clark’s powers have been transferred onto Lois, creating…Ultrawoman!)

UltraWoman: And I don't care what you say. I know it doesn't make you

feel good to watch me do what you were born to do.

Clark: I admit, I do miss the cape and the S, and this whole bleeding thing is no fun.

 

Lois: You know, if somebody had asked me three days ago who the one

person in the world I admired most was, I'd have said you. But, without really knowing what that meant. Without understanding that the hardest thing about being you is all the things you can't do. All the cries for help that you can't answer. And how that quietly tears you apart. But it never stops you. And after living a little of that myself, I realized something. Something that I never thought was possible.

Clark: What?

Lois: I love you more. More than I ever have and more than I ever thought I could love anyone, and so, I wanna ask . . . Will you marry me?

Clark: Who's asking? Lois or UltraWoman?

Lois: Who's answering? Clark or Superman?

Clark: I'm answering.

Lois: I'm waiting.

Clark: Yes

 

Clark: Lois, salmon swimming upstream haven't had the mating troubles

we've had.

 

Lois: You don't have any really big secrets, do you?

Clark: Did I mention the flying?

Lois: Hmm, I only marry men who fly.

 

Perry: Now, Lois, you and I have been newspeople long enough to know that, if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, tastes good with plum sauce, it is a duck.

 

 

Martha: We're here to support you and fight this little hussy with

everything we've got.

Clark: Mom! Wow!

 

Donald Rafferty: My dear, you have nothing to worry about. * * *The test will either show that Superman is the father or not.

Leigh-Anne: And how is that last one a good thing?

Donald Rafferty: Oh well, I will bring in opposing experts to argue that the DNA tests are inconclusive or contaminated or the result of tampering or part of a conspiracy.

Leigh-Anne: Is that legal?

Donald Rafferty: My dear, it's the backbone of the entire legal system.

 

Lois: The truth is what you tell me and what I tell you, because that's the kind of relationship we have.

Clark: Lois, the best day of my life was the day you found out that I'm Superman. It meant no more secrets. I'm done hiding things from you.

 

 Lois: Uh! Who makes these people?

Clark: C'mon, Lois, you are much better looking than Lisa Rockford.

Lois: See how well trained I have him already.

 

Lois: Supermodel or terrorist? Supermodel or terrorist? I mean, how

do you wake up in the morning and decide to be that?

 

 Lois: Is there any languages you don't know?

Clark: Well, sometimes I have trouble understanding you.