And here. We. Go.

I have clinical depression. Again. Apparently I've had it since June, only my religious gym-going prevented it from getting very bad. There's something to be said for getting a daily dose of endorphins. But I had to stop going at the beginning of the month because I hurt my ankle and my condition has got steadily worse until I got finally clued into the factthat I had a medical condition and I hadn't somehow inexplicably devolved into the Queen Bitch of the World. Had to wait a week to see my counselor to get it confirmed (she was off supervising war relief efforts with the U.N). During which time I've got even worse. It's got to the point where I keep forgetting what day of the week it is.

Apparently I have cyclical depression. This means that if you get depression once, for whatever reason, chemical imbalances in the brain continue to re-occur at intervals. And since last time, I was severely depressed for months before I thought to get some proper treatment, my brain chemistry has been fucked to shit, and just one round of anti-depressants for a couple of weeks wasn't going to cut it for very long. So either my brain will get its act  together after another couple of rounds of Prozac, or I'll be popping pills for the rest of my life. 

Also, although the drugs will start kicking in after a couple of weeks, it's quite likely I'm going to get a whole lot worse before I get better. I haven't forgotten the side-effects from last time. On the other hand though, I'm relieved I finally know what the hell is up with me. 

Meanwhile, I can't see my doctor till tomorrow and my brain has been at its worst today. Which was not helped by the fact that it has been one of those days where you can practically feel Murphy at your shoulder, saying "I told you so". 

*groan*