And here. We. Go.

[ladymirth]

I have clinical depression. Again. Apparently I've had it since June, only my religious gym-going prevented it from getting very bad. There's something to be said for getting a daily dose of endorphins. But I had to stop going at the beginning of the month because I hurt my ankle and my condition has got steadily worse until I got finally clued into the factthat I had a medical condition and I hadn't somehow inexplicably devolved into the Queen Bitch of the World. Had to wait a week to see my counselor to get it confirmed (she was off supervising war relief efforts with the U.N). During which time I've got even worse. It's got to the point where I keep forgetting what day of the week it is.

Apparently I have cyclical depression. This means that if you get depression once, for whatever reason, chemical imbalances in the brain continue to re-occur at intervals. And since last time, I was severely depressed for months before I thought to get some proper treatment, my brain chemistry has been fucked to shit, and just one round of anti-depressants for a couple of weeks wasn't going to cut it for very long. So either my brain will get its act  together after another couple of rounds of Prozac, or I'll be popping pills for the rest of my life. 

Also, although the drugs will start kicking in after a couple of weeks, it's quite likely I'm going to get a whole lot worse before I get better. I haven't forgotten the side-effects from last time. On the other hand though, I'm relieved I finally know what the hell is up with me. 

Meanwhile, I can't see my doctor till tomorrow and my brain has been at its worst today. Which was not helped by the fact that it has been one of those days where you can practically feel Murphy at your shoulder, saying "I told you so". 

*groan*

Comments

[lucywiggin.livejournal.com]

Been there...feels like lots of shit. How many cycles of depression did you have already? Because I had two (when I was about 17 and when I was 19) and I'm good now, with the help of Zoloft.

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

I had started falling into depression around October last year, and only got better at the end of January this year. That was officially the worst point of my life. LJ basically saved my life. This is only the second time I've had it. It IS lots of shit.

So it can occur two years apart? I was under the impression it would come around regularly once a year or so. But that's seasonal depression, isn't it? I suppose there's no way to anticipate it? Can you be sure it won't come back?

[lucywiggin.livejournal.com]

"So it can occur two years apart? I was under the impression it would come around regularly once a year or so. But that's seasonal depression, isn't it? I suppose there's no way to anticipate it? Can you be sure it won't come back? "

Well, I've read "Noonday Demon" by Andrew Solomon, and he says there that there's a theory that while the first and second depressions are caused by life situations, after that the brain "gets used" to being depressed. In my case, I had my share of troubles at home, so it might be true. Solomon also writes of people who suffer all their life from depression, so it's not a seasonal thing.

Also, the chemical unbalanced theory is well-promoted by pharmacy companies, but some people claim differently:

http://www.badscience.net/?p=607

I don't want to write everything on an LJ comment, so if you wanna talk, it's lucywiggin at gmail.com

As for your last question - I'm doing all my efforts to keep it from coming back, including positive thinking, pills, exercise, etc. I was also in speech therapy for a few years. Don't have an insurance policy it won't come back, but I've developed my techniques to deal with it.

[quidditchkiss.livejournal.com]

♥ I really don't know what to say. I can offer love and support. *hug*

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

That's more than enough. *hugs back*