Somebody FedEx Me Back My Biological Clock. It's In The Opposite Hemisphere.

[ladymirth]

It's 4.37 pm in the night and here I am, eating my second bowl of cereal with Milo and rambling about nothing in particular on my blog. I think my body is operating according to the biological clock that's ticking in my astral body that is presumably somewhere in Scandinavia. That or I'm really a nascent vampire with a predilection for Cornflakes rather than blood. Oh well.

It's funny, but I've been feeling completely normal for the past two, very peaceful, days. TOUCH WOOD. I've been afraid even to think it, because I feel the minute I do, something will happen to set me off again. Still, aside from the late-night binge eating and the possible vampirism and the excess of daytime sleeping and the feeling a bit apathetic about entertainment, I feel good. Jokey. I poke fun at my family and look forward to seeing my friends and well, I don't feel depressed or even stressed any more. Maybe it's gone away on its own.

My blood reports came back and apparently, my body chemistry is as normal as my sleeping patterns are batshit. So there's that theory out the window. I'm mystified. And a little scared. Because as sunshine-and-daisies as things are right now, I feel pretty sure that it won't take much to push me over the edge again. The other day, when I was feeling rather good, my father snarked about me and began lecturing me in front of some of my mother's friends. It wasn't that big a deal, really, but it pissed me off and just upset me to such a ridiculous degree that I had to cry later on, and felt so disorientated and fatigued later on that I just felt physically incapable of doing the damn dishes. I ended up scaring my Mum shitless by skipping lunch and sleeping straight through the afternoon. And that had been on a day I'd felt normal.

I guess on that level, feeling normal and happy sort of scares me even worse than feeling despondent because the emotional landslide just comes out of freakin' left-field when I'm not prepared for it. Is this normal for depression? Is it depression at all? Right now, I don't even much care. Since it's not a chemical imbalance, it's probably me having Issues. I'm pretty sick of having Issues when everybody else also has issues without going nutso over them.

I'm annoyed. Scratch that. I'm fucking pissed off.

2 minutes to 5. I can feel my eyelids getting scratchy. Finally.

Fuck this shit. I'm going to bed.

*climbs into coffin and shuts it with a creak*

Comments

[pgwfolc.livejournal.com]

lol, sorry. Didn't mean to sound like a broken record.

Hope you can find a doc who can help you, and whom you can trust.

Whatever happens... good luck, and take care of yourself.

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

You don't sound like broken record. I just meant that I'm really bad at taking good advice. =)