ILU, Internets! (An Alarming Amount of Italicizing Ensues)

[ladymirth]

One should always check LJ in the morning, because the batshit pplz have done good works during the night. 

I giggled for half an hour at this post, linked by

jazzonia. 

Summary Executions compiled by Minerva McTabby. 

Wherein we find fanfic summaries with which the authors (bless their Sue-loving hearts) make sure that nobody in their right mind will read their stories. Apparently, they were all taken from the FictionAlley archives. 

My personal favourites:

This is the story of Narcissa's teenage years and how she became the fatal flower that she is.

Prepare for serious depression and PSYCO PANSY!!! A sequeal is definite.

It's an AU, no Voldemort, no normal characters.

Remus Lupin is lonely. Mysterious Cliche Ckick X enters Hogwarts. Story takes place in sixth year circa 1976. Surprisingly low character distorion.

Two duelists meet in the dead of night. On the battleground, they stand, awaiting the dance fever to overtake them. 

Dedicated to all people who have had, are having, and will have Ginny complexes. 

"When you’re so lost you want to rip your organs out through your throat and smear them all over everyone around you, just so they know that you exist..."

Rated R for the obvious reasons. Featuring Snape. Do not read if you are offended by such things.

The frightening thing is that I don't think they're all clueless teeny-boppers.

And this comment kinda kilt me ded:

" 'Two duelists meet in the dead of night. On the battleground, they stand, awaiting the dance fever to overtake them.'"

Ahem. I won't do it. I won't. I won'tIwon'tI--

*bursts into song*

You can hex, and you want sex, something to spice up your life
Severus, you Stud Machine, you are the Duelling Queen!

Friday night and the lights are low
Homework’s done, so you find a foe,
You go to the Great Hall, get in the swing,
Go in to look for a King

Not anyone could be that guy!
Neville’s too dumb and Lockhart’s high,
But then you see him; everything is fine
He gives you that emerald glance
And when you get the chance…

You are the Duelling Queen; he’s young and sweet, but now he’s eighteen!
Duelling Queen, your robes should be silver lamé and green!
You can hex, you can stun him! Having the time of your life…
Severus, smart and mean, you are the Duelling Queen!

You’re a teacher but he turns you on!
When his potion’s brewing, it’s hard to stay strong
You try to find another, but only one will do (Harry’s the one for you!)
You want to get in his pants
And will when you get the chance!

You are the Duelling Queen, infatuated with his eyes of green!
Duelling Queen, hot for Potter cause he’s so lean!
You’ll beat him, you’ll take his wand, you’ll be his snarky wife!
Severus, you are so mean, you are the Duelling Queen!

- tartanshell

ABBA for the WIN, bitches! 

And then there was this article, which was linked at supernatural_tv which gave Show a generous little pat on the head. 

BEST TEAMWORK: Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki of "Supernatural," whose performances as the demon-hunting Winchester brothers are so heartfelt and committed, they continue to make dreamy-eyed believers of us all.

It was the accompanying first comment that had me rolling around in my chair:

I don't watch the show Supernatural, those two actors, Padalecki and Ackles, are they married or dating in real life?
I'm not trying to be funny, I really want to know.
II don't know the actors or the show. It's just that I saw pictures and a a few clips on youtube of them together and I had the impression they were a couple. - Ray

....

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

And then, this comment in response:

Even my aunt thinks they're gay. Or, well, at least the brothers. I made her watch it with me back in October and she's like, "Aren't they supposed to be brothers? Do THEY know this?..." (a few minutes later) "are the actors gay with each other?".  - laurondo

I don't see the Wincest subtext on Show, I am not a J-squared shipper and I think Jared and Sandy are the cutest thing to happen to the universe since fluffy little bunny rabbits. And yet, it is true. The two of them have an entirely disturbing amount of chemistry with each other. 

Oh, boys. You just naturally attract the tinhat crazies, don't you? 

*squishes Show and the boys x times a billionty* 

Oh, eljay! Where would I be without thee?

 

 

Comments

[un-sedentary.livejournal.com]

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I don't really see the Wincest either... I just see the close love they share as brothers, and I think that comes from living the sort of life they did and even now, only having each other to share it with. Damn strike... at this rate, Dean's year will be up before Sam can save him. :(

Also, when you put two hot guys at the centre of a show without any central female characters, do you really think them being brothers will stop the slashers from slashing? The incest is just built-in angst. The way I see it, it was inevitable. *secretly ships Dean/Jo and laments her absence this season*

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

Of course they're asking for it! I mean, have you seen the number of gay jokes in the show? And Jared and Jensen, they are fully aware of it all, and loves to tease the fans with it. *points to animation in profile page*

The Wincest used to squick me out until I started reading it, light fics at first, to see what the fuss was about. I think the main thing is that the fanfic writers are good enough to sell it. They're predominantly among the best in fanfic. Or maybe controversy spurs greater creativity. I don't know.

I liked Jo too. I mean, she wasn't exactly my ideal woman for Dean, but I wish they'd at least had a fling before she got written out of the show.

[annabtg.livejournal.com]

Hehe, you discovered the Summary Executions? They're fantastic. Check the tags, she's got lots of pages with SEs.
And of course, don't forget to check the comments XD An excellent source of mirth! XD

See ya,
Anna :)

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

I can't believe you discovered her first and never recced her! What use are you, woman? *is disapproving*

Will do. Thanks for the tip, love. ♥

Also, your icon pretty much wins at everything.

[annabtg.livejournal.com]

Sorry :(

Will I make it up to you if I tell you about the existence of babb_chronicles (which collects bad fic excerpts) and coveredinmice (where you can find really, really bad stuff. I can't always read it because it hurts my eyes so much)?

I love this icon XD You can take it if you want - credit info is in my profile.

Hugs,
Anna.

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

\o/*SQUEE*

You have redeemed thyself, child. Go now in peace.

*squishsquishglomptackletackle*

♥x100000000000000000= U

[just-ruth.livejournal.com]

" 'Two duelists meet in the dead of night. On the battleground, they stand, awaiting the dance fever to overtake them.'"

Now, see, I read this and come up with a different take -
(with sincere apologies to Michael Buble)

You can hex,
you can curse any guy that gives you the eye
Let him scream all night
You can blast and smile at the carnage
lying sprawled 'neath the pale moonlight
Just don't forget who's taking you home
And in who's arms you're going to be
so, darlin'
Save the last hex for me!

Oh, I know, that dark power's divine like sparklin' wine
Go and have your fun
Wrack and ruin,
But while we're apart don't give your heart to anyone
'Cause don't forget who's taking you home
And in who's arms you're going to be
so, darlin'
Save the last hex for me!

You can hex, go and carry on til' the night is done
And it's time to go
If they ask are you all alone
Can they be slaves in your home
You must tell them no
Just don't forget who's taking you home
And in who's arms you're going to be
so, darlin'
Save the last hex for me!

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

Hee! An inspired effort, Ruth! *thumbs up*