The trials of a Carrie Bradshaw wannabe.

[ladymirth]

According to this BMI calculator, I can only safely afford to lose approximately 2.3 lbs unless I want to be classified as underweight.

This should be cause for celebration, but I can't believe that all this flab I consider superflous, prevents me wearing sleeveless tops and makes me obsess over my flabby stomach amounts to only 2.3 lbs. There has to be a mistake somewhere. Otherwise, it'd mean I'd need to be underweight to acheive my dream figure. *sadface*

Or build a lot of muscle. And those resistance training exercises are kiling me as they are.

You know, what I really have got to make my peace with is the fact that no amount of exercise will leave me looking like Carmen Electra or somebody. (Not that I want to look like Carmen Electra, or would be able to without breast implants even if I did, what with that rack she's got) Especially since I refuse to diet and my primary intention remains being as fit as I possibly can.

I was born with this body shape. Not for me will be the long, glamorous legs or hourglass figure. I have a pear-shaped body, with short, rather stumpy legs and wide hips. For a body that has no glaring defect nor disfigurement, and has been functioning rather awesomely for the past 21 years, it has been severely underappreciated.

But you know, this whole "accepting yourself for who you are" deal is a rather tough one. Mostly because I'm vain and jealous and superficial and I think it's really unfair that I'll never look as good in a mini-skirt as some of my other leggy friends, who never had to work out a day in their lives to do it either.

I dealt with my confidence issues by learning to be as presentable as I could be, which culminated in me becoming a certified clothes-horse. It has nearly crushed my innate nerdhood and turned me into a young Carrie Bradshaw (without the shoe collection and raging nymphomania). If I ever earned for myself rather than mooched off my parent's savings account, I'd have a similar "substance abuse problem" all set and ready to destroy me. I have been known to set aside The Hobbit in favour of surfing clothing catalogs on-line. I feel like a spineless sell-out and a traitor unto nerdkind. Tolkien would cast me from his altar in shame.

And yet, the clothes are so pweeety! *sob*

It doesn't help that I have an appalling amount of clothes already, that my make-up bag has six different kinds of mascara and is roughly the size of a professional bridal-dresser's and that my boyfriend probably wouldn't care if I was twenty pounds overweight and regularly wore gunny sacks.

Why am I doing this to myself? What am I trying to prove and to whom?

I wish I could have dealt with my insecurities like Hermione Granger did. She got over her buckteeth and big hair and social ineptitude by reassuring her sense of self-worth through intellectual acheivement and annoying the hell out of everybody in a ten-meter radius.

Notes to self:
a)Do not read fashion magazines. They corrupt your mind and feed your immortal soul to the corporate hordes. It's just a form of legal wallet-snatching.
b)Stop plaguing everybody with your fitness kick. You're just trying to indulge your vanity self-righteously anyway.
c)Shut up identifying with fictional characters. It is high time you got your pathetic girl-crush on Hermione Granger out of your system and moved the hell on.

And on that firm note, I shall go to bed.

Comments

[viciousberries.livejournal.com]

If you want to rant to someone about health kicks, I´m totally available and equally obsessed. Seriously, I´ve recently started jogging, fitnessing and making the Best Salads Evar, and I would love someone to talk to about weird urges to go running or hiking at three AM.

[lucywiggin.livejournal.com]

All I can say is: Read The Beauty Myth, if you haven't already. That's the one book, out of thousands I've read, that literally changed my life (although The Selfish Gene is also extremely influential...but TBM takes first place).

[pgwfolc.livejournal.com]

ARGH!! Wrote up a whole reply, hit post, and it vanished! And FF can't recover it!

But... (Okay, I'm going to be lazy and not re-dig up the links to the rant posts. And I didn't find the old rant posts which I know are there a year or so back... Though I did come across the awesomecake post in my digging.)

You know better than this. Hard to believe it's the same person who just wrote up those rants.

2.5 lbs above the "underweight" line doesn't mean you have 2.5lbs to lose. It means you're in good shape. (Though if you want to turn 2.5 lbs of fat into 2.5 lbs of muscle, that might not be a bad thing. But you need some fat. And do it because it'll be healthier.)

As for clothes... if you have the budget and it makes you happy... why not? You're allowed to take pleasure in pretty clothes. (In moderation. ;) ) And Boy should count himself extraordinarily lucky. Hot female nerds are rare and very precious. (I won't tell you how hot you are, but you're hot. Ask Boy. It's his job to tell you, and he's in a better position to do so anyway.)

[roaringsprite.livejournal.com]

Well said, pgwfolc

and for the record... I regularly talk myself hoarse telling her much the same thing, doesnt seem to sink in much though :)

self-image seems to be a matter between woman and a higher power and there's nothing a mere man can do about it!

and by the way, I do count myself extraordinarily lucky :D

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

Wrote up a whole reply, hit post, and it vanished!

*winces* That used to happen to me a lot. Now I copy-paste the reply to a word document before pressing "post", just in case.

And I didn't find the old rant posts which I know are there a year or so back... Though I did come across the awesomecake post in my digging.)

Which rants? And was that a hint? *g*

2.5 lbs above the "underweight" line doesn't mean you have 2.5lbs to lose.

Oh, I know that. What I meant was, I'd like to be slimmer and more toned. However, I can't risk slimming more than 2.3 lbs because I'll be underweight if I do.

I refuse to diet or deny myself the finer things in life, and I get frustrated when people can't understand the difference between weight-loss and staying fit. But that doesn't mean I don't have insecurities most other women have.

Hot female nerds are rare and very precious. (I won't tell you how hot you are, but you're hot. Ask Boy. It's his job to tell you, and he's in a better position to do so anyway.)

Thank you, Paul. =) I know I'm reasonably healthy and attractive. And Boy does tell me all of that early and often. But I consider Boy to be a rather biased judge. =P

Believe me, I know that the only thing wrong with me is that I'm a vain old perfectionist who is a bit obsessed about acheiving the perfect tummy. =D

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I shall definitely put them on my to-reads list. =D

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

I would love someone to talk to about weird urges to go running or hiking at three AM.

Hee. Sounds like you've been doing this longer than me. I'm not quite at that stage yet.

My health kick is relatively new. I've been the most un-athletic lazy-ass for most of my school life, until I got depression last year and realized that exercise was the one thing that would keep the blues and my self image issues at bay. So now I wake up at the crack of dawn and go to the gym. I swim and do a full work out on alternate days.

Apart from having a folder full of on-line health articles and blowing up at people for being idiots, tha's the extent of my mania, really. I'm not an outdoorsy person and have been advised against any exercise that might impact my knees.

I've heard that running, jogging, climbing and the like are only advisable for people who have done a fair bit of it before they were 17. Otherwise, it's too late for the necessary muscles to develop and you end up screwing up your knees. One of my friends took up jogging when she was 18 and had to stop an year later because she nearly busted a knee.

[k-maedae.livejournal.com]

Yeah, we all want that perfect tummy.... Sad thing is I had it. then college stole it. ..... grrrrr...

But yes, I check that whole BMI thing and I'm currently 23 lbs overweight. It told me I was "moderately overweight". Means we all need a little work? And not to loose it, but gain it in muscle mass!

[viciousberries.livejournal.com]

+laughs+ Yeah, I've had a health kick for about a year now, but it fluctuates between working out every day and, er, being content with watching hot men other people sweat on tv.

I have been the most lazy person ever for years, but for some reason I have always done things like running, jogging and climbing because they were fun (like climbing) or compulsory at school. So I've got awesome leg muscles, and like any other girl it's the tummy that's the problem.

You swim? That is so fantastic. My bike got stolen so I have no means of getting to the local swimming pool, but I do want to take up swimming. Being in the water is just lovely.

[pgwfolc.livejournal.com]

*winces* That used to happen to me a lot. Now I copy-paste the reply to a word document before pressing "post", just in case.

It almost never happens to me. I've had connection glitches, but in that case, Firefox saves the text so I can try again. This was... irksome.

Which rants? And was that a hint? *g*

These rants. And, like I said before, I know you've explored this subject before.

And... it was something I stumbled upon en passant. You may choose to interpret it as a hint or not, as you please.

Oh, I know that. What I meant was, I'd like to be slimmer and more toned. However, I can't risk slimming more than 2.3 lbs because I'll be underweight if I do.

Those things are rough guides only, you realize. Broad-based averages, not attuned to any one broad in particular. I will mention, though, that muscle is denser than fat. So if you turn a kilo of fat into a kilo of muscle, you'll be stronger, healthier, and slimmer without changing your weight. Takes work, though. And, like I said, you need some fat, both to make you healthy and to keep you looking hot.

I refuse to diet or deny myself the finer things in life, and I get frustrated when people can't understand the difference between weight-loss and staying fit.

Entirely understandable. Good for you. I agree completely!

But that doesn't mean I don't have insecurities most other women have.

Fair enough, I suppose. As long as you remember how awesome you are.

And, too... we all have our flaws. No one's perfect. (And if anyone was, we'd all resent it.) While there will always be people who are more beautiful on the outside, many (though certainly not all!) of them are vain and shallow. If not naturally (which is what led them to pursue physical beauty to such a degree in the first place), then by simple dint of the treatment they get from others for being so beautiful. (They did a study once, which determined that the prettier you are, the less time you're willing to sit around waiting.)

So rest assured that you more than make up for a less than toned tummy by being more beautiful where it counts.

And Boy is not a biased judge. It's not that he finds you beautiful (inside and out) because he's with you. It's that he chose to make you such an important part of his life precisely because he finds you beautiful. Well, okay. It's some of both. But he's closest to you, which puts him in a good position to see you, and also grants him the social right to tell you what he sees. That last is something few others have. I'm at a safe enough distance that I can say it, but I've only got a few 2D images to go by.

As for perfectionism... Stressing out over that is only going to make you prematurely gray. Tell that to your vanity. ;)

P.S. It happened again! I got that dang post error. Turns out NoScript was blocking something because the transfer from ladymirth.livejournal.com to www.livejournal.com made it suspicious. Or something like that. But at least FF saved the draft this time!

P.P.S. Still not letting me post. Let's try that again...

[pgwfolc.livejournal.com]

Well, just keep trying. Every little bit counts. Even if that pretty little head of hers does have a deceptively thick skull. ;)

[cyad.livejournal.com]

OK. Am I at the right lj? You know as in Hasini's the one who -10 days ago- vehemently posted to talk sisters & friends out of diet and models body shaping? Wait, am gonna find back that entry's intro for you:

Swear to God, if I come across one more woman who tells me she's on a "watermellon diet"/ eats only an apple for breakfast/ is eating only one meal a day, I am going to totally lose my shit and throttle her.

What the fuck is WRONG with you people?!

How about loving you the way you are? If you need to be underweight to achieve your dream figure, how about reshaping *er, no pun intended* it so it include this simple factor: "you actually need those 2.3 lbs?"

And can I point than Carrie Bradshaw's not a model but a fictional blonde character who happens to be born wearing Blanhik shoes. There's no other possible and rational explanation to the fact that she's the only woman on the fiction planet able to walk and run on stilettos 24/7 and still be sexy, poisy at the end of the day *and* actually crave for more when passing a Manolo store. PLus life dieting on Cosmopolitans and a pea only works for her, IMHO...but then again, maybe I totally misunderstood the content of your post...

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

I never once said in my earlier rants that I don't have insecurities and vanities of my own. And I have a strict "NO DIETING" rule. I'm aware that my weight is quite healthy - but I'm vain and want a flat tummy. And the only way to do that is by losing flab via exercise. And I know I don't need to lose weight, what I'm saying is that even with all the exercising, I should be careful not to lose more than 2 pounds because then I'll be underweight.

I'm vain as hell and want the best figure I can get. But not at the expense of my health and sanity. I'mnot even going to put a stopper on my sweet tooth! And even if I do acheive my dream figure, I don't harbor any delusions that that is going to make me a better person.

I have two alternatives. One is to burn off all the flab, the other is to turn it into muscle. And the second option is much harder than the first. Which is why I'm disgruntled.

Also, Tina Turner was running in stillettoes when Carrie Bradshaw was toddling around in baby booties. =D And I do not want to become Carrie Bradshaw, which is why I'm trying to be less self-indulgent with my clothing fixation.

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

Yeah, we all want that perfect tummy.... Sad thing is I had it. then college stole it. ..... grrrrr...

Well, you gotta sacrifice something for that level of carelessness and ramen noodles. =) The eating habits of myself and my peers shock even me sometimes, if I pause to consider it. I have been known to have crisps and cornflakes for dinner and warmed-up pizza for breakfast during finals week, not to mention weeks of caffeine while glued to the computer chair doing research.

Very few college students deserve the perfect tummy.

[cyad.livejournal.com]

gaining weight and muscles is what I did. Which means I've got a better and healthier figure now than I did 3 years ago. But it's true that it's the hard way 'cause it means strict discipline...or rather agenda.

But thing is, you don't have to torture yourself with hours on a powerplate or any other sport. The thing is to exercise regularly. it's also best to choose an activity you'd do even on your death bed than the last gym thingy that happens to be hype and all over the news... That reminds me that I should seriously go back to the swimming pool AND look for a decent oriental dance course. *g*

Also, Tina Turner was running in stillettoes when Carrie Bradshaw was toddling around in baby booties. =D

ROTFL!!!! Baby Prada's you mean? But Tina was THE Stiletto Queen. Stilettos were her uniform, IMHO. She said when she was up on stage, she sang to make love to the male audience. I can't be a good judge of that but... I mean, ever saw her perform on stage, live concert? It's really something and, contrary to what people might think: no fun or playing there: everything's calculated to a T... OK, make that 2 Ts. :p

which is why I'm trying to be less self-indulgent with my clothing fixation.

You know you could actually tie both? Like indulge yourself with your clothing fix as long as it makes you feel good about yourself.A bit like: new body, new warbrode only much less budget damaging. More like an incentive trick, you know?

Funny but I feel like am not making much sense, today...

EDITED: seems I mixed up my pasword and so had to re-enter it. But the point is: a brand new lj ad magically appeared, trying to lure me into learning the "5 secret tips to a flat stomach". At that point I'm thinking: "Big Brother's watching me"...or your lj for what matters. ;p