The trials of a Carrie Bradshaw wannabe.

[ladymirth]

According to this BMI calculator, I can only safely afford to lose approximately 2.3 lbs unless I want to be classified as underweight.

This should be cause for celebration, but I can't believe that all this flab I consider superflous, prevents me wearing sleeveless tops and makes me obsess over my flabby stomach amounts to only 2.3 lbs. There has to be a mistake somewhere. Otherwise, it'd mean I'd need to be underweight to acheive my dream figure. *sadface*

Or build a lot of muscle. And those resistance training exercises are kiling me as they are.

You know, what I really have got to make my peace with is the fact that no amount of exercise will leave me looking like Carmen Electra or somebody. (Not that I want to look like Carmen Electra, or would be able to without breast implants even if I did, what with that rack she's got) Especially since I refuse to diet and my primary intention remains being as fit as I possibly can.

I was born with this body shape. Not for me will be the long, glamorous legs or hourglass figure. I have a pear-shaped body, with short, rather stumpy legs and wide hips. For a body that has no glaring defect nor disfigurement, and has been functioning rather awesomely for the past 21 years, it has been severely underappreciated.

But you know, this whole "accepting yourself for who you are" deal is a rather tough one. Mostly because I'm vain and jealous and superficial and I think it's really unfair that I'll never look as good in a mini-skirt as some of my other leggy friends, who never had to work out a day in their lives to do it either.

I dealt with my confidence issues by learning to be as presentable as I could be, which culminated in me becoming a certified clothes-horse. It has nearly crushed my innate nerdhood and turned me into a young Carrie Bradshaw (without the shoe collection and raging nymphomania). If I ever earned for myself rather than mooched off my parent's savings account, I'd have a similar "substance abuse problem" all set and ready to destroy me. I have been known to set aside The Hobbit in favour of surfing clothing catalogs on-line. I feel like a spineless sell-out and a traitor unto nerdkind. Tolkien would cast me from his altar in shame.

And yet, the clothes are so pweeety! *sob*

It doesn't help that I have an appalling amount of clothes already, that my make-up bag has six different kinds of mascara and is roughly the size of a professional bridal-dresser's and that my boyfriend probably wouldn't care if I was twenty pounds overweight and regularly wore gunny sacks.

Why am I doing this to myself? What am I trying to prove and to whom?

I wish I could have dealt with my insecurities like Hermione Granger did. She got over her buckteeth and big hair and social ineptitude by reassuring her sense of self-worth through intellectual acheivement and annoying the hell out of everybody in a ten-meter radius.

Notes to self:
a)Do not read fashion magazines. They corrupt your mind and feed your immortal soul to the corporate hordes. It's just a form of legal wallet-snatching.
b)Stop plaguing everybody with your fitness kick. You're just trying to indulge your vanity self-righteously anyway.
c)Shut up identifying with fictional characters. It is high time you got your pathetic girl-crush on Hermione Granger out of your system and moved the hell on.

And on that firm note, I shall go to bed.

Comments

[pgwfolc.livejournal.com]

ARGH!! Wrote up a whole reply, hit post, and it vanished! And FF can't recover it!

But... (Okay, I'm going to be lazy and not re-dig up the links to the rant posts. And I didn't find the old rant posts which I know are there a year or so back... Though I did come across the awesomecake post in my digging.)

You know better than this. Hard to believe it's the same person who just wrote up those rants.

2.5 lbs above the "underweight" line doesn't mean you have 2.5lbs to lose. It means you're in good shape. (Though if you want to turn 2.5 lbs of fat into 2.5 lbs of muscle, that might not be a bad thing. But you need some fat. And do it because it'll be healthier.)

As for clothes... if you have the budget and it makes you happy... why not? You're allowed to take pleasure in pretty clothes. (In moderation. ;) ) And Boy should count himself extraordinarily lucky. Hot female nerds are rare and very precious. (I won't tell you how hot you are, but you're hot. Ask Boy. It's his job to tell you, and he's in a better position to do so anyway.)

[roaringsprite.livejournal.com]

Well said, pgwfolc

and for the record... I regularly talk myself hoarse telling her much the same thing, doesnt seem to sink in much though :)

self-image seems to be a matter between woman and a higher power and there's nothing a mere man can do about it!

and by the way, I do count myself extraordinarily lucky :D

[pgwfolc.livejournal.com]

Well, just keep trying. Every little bit counts. Even if that pretty little head of hers does have a deceptively thick skull. ;)

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

Wrote up a whole reply, hit post, and it vanished!

*winces* That used to happen to me a lot. Now I copy-paste the reply to a word document before pressing "post", just in case.

And I didn't find the old rant posts which I know are there a year or so back... Though I did come across the awesomecake post in my digging.)

Which rants? And was that a hint? *g*

2.5 lbs above the "underweight" line doesn't mean you have 2.5lbs to lose.

Oh, I know that. What I meant was, I'd like to be slimmer and more toned. However, I can't risk slimming more than 2.3 lbs because I'll be underweight if I do.

I refuse to diet or deny myself the finer things in life, and I get frustrated when people can't understand the difference between weight-loss and staying fit. But that doesn't mean I don't have insecurities most other women have.

Hot female nerds are rare and very precious. (I won't tell you how hot you are, but you're hot. Ask Boy. It's his job to tell you, and he's in a better position to do so anyway.)

Thank you, Paul. =) I know I'm reasonably healthy and attractive. And Boy does tell me all of that early and often. But I consider Boy to be a rather biased judge. =P

Believe me, I know that the only thing wrong with me is that I'm a vain old perfectionist who is a bit obsessed about acheiving the perfect tummy. =D

[k-maedae.livejournal.com]

Yeah, we all want that perfect tummy.... Sad thing is I had it. then college stole it. ..... grrrrr...

But yes, I check that whole BMI thing and I'm currently 23 lbs overweight. It told me I was "moderately overweight". Means we all need a little work? And not to loose it, but gain it in muscle mass!

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

Yeah, we all want that perfect tummy.... Sad thing is I had it. then college stole it. ..... grrrrr...

Well, you gotta sacrifice something for that level of carelessness and ramen noodles. =) The eating habits of myself and my peers shock even me sometimes, if I pause to consider it. I have been known to have crisps and cornflakes for dinner and warmed-up pizza for breakfast during finals week, not to mention weeks of caffeine while glued to the computer chair doing research.

Very few college students deserve the perfect tummy.

[pgwfolc.livejournal.com]

*winces* That used to happen to me a lot. Now I copy-paste the reply to a word document before pressing "post", just in case.

It almost never happens to me. I've had connection glitches, but in that case, Firefox saves the text so I can try again. This was... irksome.

Which rants? And was that a hint? *g*

These rants. And, like I said before, I know you've explored this subject before.

And... it was something I stumbled upon en passant. You may choose to interpret it as a hint or not, as you please.

Oh, I know that. What I meant was, I'd like to be slimmer and more toned. However, I can't risk slimming more than 2.3 lbs because I'll be underweight if I do.

Those things are rough guides only, you realize. Broad-based averages, not attuned to any one broad in particular. I will mention, though, that muscle is denser than fat. So if you turn a kilo of fat into a kilo of muscle, you'll be stronger, healthier, and slimmer without changing your weight. Takes work, though. And, like I said, you need some fat, both to make you healthy and to keep you looking hot.

I refuse to diet or deny myself the finer things in life, and I get frustrated when people can't understand the difference between weight-loss and staying fit.

Entirely understandable. Good for you. I agree completely!

But that doesn't mean I don't have insecurities most other women have.

Fair enough, I suppose. As long as you remember how awesome you are.

And, too... we all have our flaws. No one's perfect. (And if anyone was, we'd all resent it.) While there will always be people who are more beautiful on the outside, many (though certainly not all!) of them are vain and shallow. If not naturally (which is what led them to pursue physical beauty to such a degree in the first place), then by simple dint of the treatment they get from others for being so beautiful. (They did a study once, which determined that the prettier you are, the less time you're willing to sit around waiting.)

So rest assured that you more than make up for a less than toned tummy by being more beautiful where it counts.

And Boy is not a biased judge. It's not that he finds you beautiful (inside and out) because he's with you. It's that he chose to make you such an important part of his life precisely because he finds you beautiful. Well, okay. It's some of both. But he's closest to you, which puts him in a good position to see you, and also grants him the social right to tell you what he sees. That last is something few others have. I'm at a safe enough distance that I can say it, but I've only got a few 2D images to go by.

As for perfectionism... Stressing out over that is only going to make you prematurely gray. Tell that to your vanity. ;)

P.S. It happened again! I got that dang post error. Turns out NoScript was blocking something because the transfer from ladymirth.livejournal.com to www.livejournal.com made it suspicious. Or something like that. But at least FF saved the draft this time!

P.P.S. Still not letting me post. Let's try that again...