I just need to get this out of my system before I combust.

[ladymirth]

 I know, I know, I'm sorry, I have to get this out there. Feel free to use the scroll button. 

Re Eclipse Chapter 22: Fire and Ice

You. Are. Shitting. Me. 

D:

What. The. Fuck. 

Dear Smeyer,

You need help. Professional help. Like NAOW. Fantasising about overhearing the two assholes who love you and want to kill each other exchange their little wet dreams and heart-to-hearts while they think you're sleeping is not a normal human desire. Especially not while all three of you are crammed inside a tiny tent in the middle of nowhere and you're forced to sleep in the arms of your best friend (who recently sexually assaulted you) while your vampire boyfriend is forced to watch. It is not normal to come up with these scenarios in the first place, unless extensive drug usage is involved. 
As a personal favour, please drag your editor and publisher to the rehab clinic with you. Do it for the children. The world has suffered through enough of your psychosis; it may not recover from the sight of you impersonating a duck in main street wearing only a tea cosy in the near future. Or, heaven forbid, more vampire books. 
With only your best interests at heart, 
A traumatised reader. 

Jesus, this book really is a trainwreck. And if Eclipse is this bad, chances are that Breaking Dawn is going to be a fucking natural disaster. 

Comments

[laramoon.livejournal.com]

You know what they say about train wrecks - people can't look away.

And you know what, too? Now you have me wanting to read these, just so I can see how truly bad they are.

Yes, this, my friend, is probably why these books sell in the first place.

*shrugs*

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

I have no doubt that this is the case with about 50% of the book sales. It's the other 50% that worries me. =/

[elluxion.livejournal.com]

Oh Hasini.
I love you.
Srsly.
ROFL at mentions of tea cosies. it brings dear old Dobby into mind, bless his elfin little soul

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

Yes, that did have an underlying Harry Potter reference, what with the duck impersonation as well as the tea cosy.

*squishes you*

[elluxion.livejournal.com]

Duck impersonation?? *headscratch* Dear me, I need to reread those books. God forbid I've already forgotten every single trivial minor detail in any of the seven! :O

*squishes you back*

[quidditchkiss.livejournal.com]

I can't even bring myself to read Breaking Dawn. After reading the first 7 chapters of it that someone put up online, and then going to Wikipedia to read the overall plot(and what happens at the end), I'm seriously debating reading the book at all, or reading it when I have dementia or something so that I can forget it entirely afterward. LMAO

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

I suggest you read it only if a)you are strong of stomach, b)a confirmed LOLfan and c)do not want to have children. Personally, I found BD to be the ultimate LOLfan experience. I was shrieking the house down at 1 am. =D

[quidditchkiss.livejournal.com]

Well I read the first 7 chapters that were leaked online, and that's all I've been able to read.

[muses-circle.livejournal.com]

And if Eclipse is this bad, chances are that Breaking Dawn is going to be a fucking natural disaster.

Yep. Got it in one, baby!

SM needs help. Serious help.

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

Her mind is like a broken mirror - fascinating, wrong and ultimately... broken.

[ajroald.livejournal.com]

LOL - Breaking Dawn starts out as a train wreck that has already happened with SEVERE casualties (why this wasn't sent back for rewrite is beyond me), but if you are like me and are stuck reading the damn thing because some force stronger than your mind that is screaming "THIS IS CRAP, STOP READING NOW!" is making you finish it, it ends, IMHO, much better than it started. I hope she stops now though, I don't think I could handle having to read another one.

I'm glad, however, that I'm not the only one who thinks this is strangely deranged...in a rather sick and demented way. OMG!

~ AJ

PS - Did you ever wonder why NO ONE ELSE ever figured out the Cullens weren't human? WTF? Charlie, the Police Chief doesn't figure it out? Huh?

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

You're right on all counts. I did end up enjoying it. Correction, I was busting my guts laughing at 1 am in the morning.

It's the derangedness is part of the appeal, I think. Also, I read the leaked 12 chapters of Midnight Sun (Twilight from Edward's POV) and it was just unsalvagably bad writing. Worse yet, it was boring. SMeyer is crazy, but I have never found her boring till now.

Did you ever wonder why NO ONE ELSE ever figured out the Cullens weren't human? WTF? Charlie, the Police Chief doesn't figure it out? Huh?

Well, they did say that the lucky thing about Edward being able to read minds is that they can up and move if somebody gets too suspicious. And Edward mentions in Eclipse that Charlie prefers lying to himself rather than dig for the truth, which is reinforced in BD. Charlie tells Bella outright that he'd rather not know because he can't handle it.

I think the only reason Bella figured it out is because she was so abnormally obsessed with Edward.

[anntsypants.livejournal.com]

YES! YOU DON'T LIKE IT EITHER! I KNEW I LOVED YOU FOR A REASON!

That said, you should check out this community, ontd_twatlight. HIGH-larious. Everything making fun of Twilight aka Twatlight. I think you would enjoy it. Don't friend it though, there are new posts there ALL THE TIME. So just keep it as a group or whatever.

...I'm high on caffeine. Back at school and it's killing me already :P But no matter, this weekend I'm partying like it's 1989.

Also...Breaking Dawn...you're assessment, in my opinion, is correct. You might not want to join twatlight if you don't want spoilers. Needless to say, whatever you're imagining happening in the book...probably the real thing is ten times more ridiculous.

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

I only didn't like Eclipse because it stomped all over my feminist sensibilites much more than the others. The other three books, IMo, are the most deliciously cracktastic things I've ever had the pleasure of reading. They're addictive, they really are. I told you I love cheese and these books are so earnestly cheesy that they're kind of adorable.

I've already been spoiled to high heaven on account of having read all cleolinda's hilarious twilight summaries beforehand. Thanks for teling me about the comm, must check it out. And BD was a disaster, but all the more enjoyable for it, in my opinion. It was drivel, but oh so entertaining drivel!

Miss you, hon! *huggles*