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ladymirthFinished Breaking Dawn.
It wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. Eclipse prepared me for what was to come, and I'd read and boggled over all the spoilers beforehand anyway, so I was not caught unawares as the rest of the poor sods who read Breaking Dawn cluelessly for the first time. Havingcleolinda 's hilarious Twilight summaries on hand also contributed toward making it an almost rewarding experience. They were hilarious enough when I read them before, but reading it in tandem with the books was priceless and made the bad stuff all go away. Once you get into the right frame of mind, the whole thing is not more painful than really bad fanfic anyway.
That's about all my scrambled brain can come up with. All in all, the book was all the LOLfan in me wanted. Maybe I should be grateful for Eclipse for preparing me somewhat. Actually, I kinda feel the strange urge to read it again.
...
Oh. My. God. This book has given me Stockholm Syndrome.
HELP!
It wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. Eclipse prepared me for what was to come, and I'd read and boggled over all the spoilers beforehand anyway, so I was not caught unawares as the rest of the poor sods who read Breaking Dawn cluelessly for the first time. Having
cleolinda 's hilarious Twilight summaries on hand also contributed toward making it an almost rewarding experience. They were hilarious enough when I read them before, but reading it in tandem with the books was priceless and made the bad stuff all go away. Once you get into the right frame of mind, the whole thing is not more painful than really bad fanfic anyway. Although no fanfic writer I know has yet come up with anything half so bizzare and vomit-inducing as BD's Book Two. I dunno whether it was a good thing or a bad thing that it was told in Jacob's POV - on one hand, Jacob was a much more engaging narrator than Bella (who I routinely wanted to hit over the head with a machet) and he's still by far my favourite character, apart from Seth (who is like the sweet, sunny innocent Jacob of the pre-werewolfing pre-Bella-crazy era). On the other hand...I will now never have children. Ever.
Breaking Dawn - making millions of women and teenage girls pro-abortion since 2008.
Book Three was so much crack that I couldn't help but enjoy it tremendously. For one thing, NinjaVamp!Bella was a much more bearable Mary Sue than her human counterpart (Human!Bella's first instinct in the middle of any crisis was to out-martyr-complex Edward, faint and whine while Vamp!Bella's is to rip things apart and have sex with Edward a lot. There is just no contest, y'all). Or maybe I've read so much badfic while I was in the HP fandom that I've become immune. Anyway, it was no different than enjoying those cracktastic soap operas where everybody looks like supermodels even when they have grown-up great-grandchildren and your mother had an affair with your husband and everybody stands around talking and scheming and giving the story-line an Armageddon-size build up only to be resolved through an eleventh hour deau ex machina because the daytime TV budget can't afford decent stunt doubles.
For my part, I'm willing to love the book because it ended sometime this century, the odds of which happening seemed rather slim while actually reading it. There is something deeply wrong with a book when the actual plot appears only twelve chapters after the book should have ended. And a very good plot it was, what with all the X-men convening at Rivendell...or ahem...whatevs...and Jacob naming his tiny twu wuv after the Loch Ness Monster (maybe SMeyer is more aware of how ridiculous a name "Renesmee" is, than we give her credit for. Gotta love Jacob though), and Bella Ninja-fying the naughty boulder into smithereens. I'd have enjoyed the unabashed Sparklypoo-ness of her showing off her mad hunting skillz in a blue cocktail dress (I love you, Alice!) if I hadn't felt so damn sorry for the mountain lion she killed with her bare fangs. Poor little kitty. I is sad.
So, to recap. Amidst the awfulness, the great points about this book run thus:
1. Jacob. (He is a cocky little masochistic moron, but I love him)
2. Jacob and Rosalie (She fed him with a dog bowl with Fido carved on the side! ILU!)
3. Seth/ Edward = OTP. I wish Bella could've stayed dead so that we might actually have seen this happen. *sigh*
4. Jacob's chapter titles. E.g: THERE ARE NO WORDS FOR THIS. (It's chapter titles like this that makes me wonder whether SMeyer doesn't really have a better grasp of what she's subjecting her readers to, than we give her credit for).
5. NinjaVamp!Bella Means You Never Have To Hear Her Whining Again. Thank God.
6. Sparkly vampire sex! Or er, something like it. I think. Or maybe Emmett was right and they really did discuss stock market prices all night and SMeyer just wanted to spare them the shame. You aren't fooling us, SMeyer. We all know Edward is a pillow-biter. We noticed the queen on the cover of this book, too.
7. NinjaVamp!Bella pwns the Androgynous Vamps big time with her Sparklypoo Mind-Shielding powers. She is also the only oneDumblevamp Aro ever feared. Kneel before Sue!
8. The, for the lack of a suitably graphic term, C-section demon baby delivery. That was kinda awesome in an I-was-there-when-they-bombed-Pearl-Harbor kinda way.
9. Alice. Alice, Alice, Alice. She'd only be more awesome if she stopped calling her husband "Jazz". That's a transformer, oy.
10. And then, this: Edward leaned his head against the same shoulder where he’d placed Renesmee. “Goodbye, Jacob, my brother... my son.” I debated whether it should come under "Aww, that is so cute" or "WTF, nonono wrong!". And then chose "awesome", just because. =D
Breaking Dawn - making millions of women and teenage girls pro-abortion since 2008.
Book Three was so much crack that I couldn't help but enjoy it tremendously. For one thing, NinjaVamp!Bella was a much more bearable Mary Sue than her human counterpart (Human!Bella's first instinct in the middle of any crisis was to out-martyr-complex Edward, faint and whine while Vamp!Bella's is to rip things apart and have sex with Edward a lot. There is just no contest, y'all). Or maybe I've read so much badfic while I was in the HP fandom that I've become immune. Anyway, it was no different than enjoying those cracktastic soap operas where everybody looks like supermodels even when they have grown-up great-grandchildren and your mother had an affair with your husband and everybody stands around talking and scheming and giving the story-line an Armageddon-size build up only to be resolved through an eleventh hour deau ex machina because the daytime TV budget can't afford decent stunt doubles.
For my part, I'm willing to love the book because it ended sometime this century, the odds of which happening seemed rather slim while actually reading it. There is something deeply wrong with a book when the actual plot appears only twelve chapters after the book should have ended. And a very good plot it was, what with all the X-men convening at Rivendell...or ahem...whatevs...and Jacob naming his tiny twu wuv after the Loch Ness Monster (maybe SMeyer is more aware of how ridiculous a name "Renesmee" is, than we give her credit for. Gotta love Jacob though), and Bella Ninja-fying the naughty boulder into smithereens. I'd have enjoyed the unabashed Sparklypoo-ness of her showing off her mad hunting skillz in a blue cocktail dress (I love you, Alice!) if I hadn't felt so damn sorry for the mountain lion she killed with her bare fangs. Poor little kitty. I is sad.
So, to recap. Amidst the awfulness, the great points about this book run thus:
1. Jacob. (He is a cocky little masochistic moron, but I love him)
2. Jacob and Rosalie (She fed him with a dog bowl with Fido carved on the side! ILU!)
3. Seth/ Edward = OTP. I wish Bella could've stayed dead so that we might actually have seen this happen. *sigh*
4. Jacob's chapter titles. E.g: THERE ARE NO WORDS FOR THIS. (It's chapter titles like this that makes me wonder whether SMeyer doesn't really have a better grasp of what she's subjecting her readers to, than we give her credit for).
5. NinjaVamp!Bella Means You Never Have To Hear Her Whining Again. Thank God.
6. Sparkly vampire sex! Or er, something like it. I think. Or maybe Emmett was right and they really did discuss stock market prices all night and SMeyer just wanted to spare them the shame. You aren't fooling us, SMeyer. We all know Edward is a pillow-biter. We noticed the queen on the cover of this book, too.
7. NinjaVamp!Bella pwns the Androgynous Vamps big time with her Sparklypoo Mind-Shielding powers. She is also the only one
8. The, for the lack of a suitably graphic term, C-section demon baby delivery. That was kinda awesome in an I-was-there-when-they-bombed-Pearl-Harbor kinda way.
9. Alice. Alice, Alice, Alice. She'd only be more awesome if she stopped calling her husband "Jazz". That's a transformer, oy.
10. And then, this: Edward leaned his head against the same shoulder where he’d placed Renesmee. “Goodbye, Jacob, my brother... my son.” I debated whether it should come under "Aww, that is so cute" or "WTF, nonono wrong!". And then chose "awesome", just because. =D
That's about all my scrambled brain can come up with. All in all, the book was all the LOLfan in me wanted. Maybe I should be grateful for Eclipse for preparing me somewhat. Actually, I kinda feel the strange urge to read it again.
...
Oh. My. God. This book has given me Stockholm Syndrome.
HELP!
