ladymirth

In response to this Fanon WTF post I managed to dig up, I feel I must speak up on behalf of us Draco fans. Note: In some points, I’m not speaking for myself but a large part of the Draco fangirls. I love Draco/Ginny for completely different reasons than I have stated here (I’ll let you know once I figure them out myself) and I obviously love the Weasleys. Just pretend I have multiple personality disorder for the rest of this entry.  

Beware, for I weild the Capslock of Fangirly Cussing.

Why do we find Draco sexy? (Fanon or canon)

1. Because he's blond.

2.Because he's a mouthy brat with both a superiority complex and an inferiority complex and that has to be some kind of record.

3. Because he has an evil father.

4. Because he's a minion-in-training who has a very much lower grade of evil than what is required of him. You got to feel bad for a guy who tanks his NEWT in Teh Evil.

5. Because his one-dimensional portrayal in canon makes us Buttons-For-Moral-Ambiguity people feel sorry for him, take him home and give him love and Daddy-issues.

6. Because sometimes we like a person who can challenge Harry, and irritate Harry the way he sometimes irritates us. Don't get me wrong, I love the boy, but sometimes his angsty-angst-angst and general cluelessness gets on my nerves.

7. Draco's jokes are funny. Malicious, but funny. HE DOES IMPRESSIONS, OMG, yay!!!

8. He's the sole heir of an immensely old and rich and aristocratic family. All girls like sole heirs of immensely old and rich and aristocratic families. It makes their Darcy complexes perk up eagerly and activates that part of their hormones that sing "Diamonds are a girl's best friend."

9. Ever since we read that scene in CoS where Lucius takes Draco to task for letting himself get beaten at exams by a Muggle-born girl, we've wanted to recruit him for our support group for under-appreciated children.

10. Because he's a blond, underage schoolboy. Our collection of naughty underage schoolboy playthings already has a red-head, a brunette, a guy with a sexy Irish accent and a black boy. We're missing an albino.

11. TOM FELTON CANNOT BE EVIL, 'EE IS TOO SEXY AND HAS HAIR LIKE AARON CARTER!! Redeem instantly and escort him to the Castle Anthrax where he shalt be waited upon by eight score young blondes and brunettes, all between the ages of sixteen and nineteen-and-a-half.

12. We like black leather pants. The people who looks best in leather pants are blonds or rebellious, canonically good-looking guys with flying motorcycles.

13. Because Sirius is too old for us, and besides, he's dead.

14. Because now that he has leather pants, we can totally see Draco on a flying motorcycle. If we add a Freud complex and a bit of redemption, he could totally be Sirius with bleached hair!

15. Because the Weasleys get on our nerves. We must activate our evil plan to get them to die choking on their own bile! Step one - redeem Draco and give him Daddy issues. Step Two - make Ginny fall in love with him. Step Three - watch the Malfoys and Weasleys die of shockstipation. Step Four - cackle evilly.
OMFG, isn't that just so Romeo and Juliet? *sob*

16. Because he is freaking obsessed with Harry. This is surely the fury of love scorned. He yearns to be with The Chosen One. Quick! Let him be of the Light! Let his latent Gryffindor courage be awakened! Let him be sartorially leathered! Let true hot gay teenage boy love triumph!

17. Because he belongs to that certain social class of people who are tutored in French, fencing and foxtrot, wear Armani and have cool heirloom swords with far out names like "Terminus Est".

18. Because he's the most prominently-featured character of a House that is so infuriatingly one-dimensional and labelled lock, stock and barrel as "evil" by the rest of the school, the wizarding world in general and JKR. We Buttons-For-Moral-Ambiguity people want a current-generation representative for our spokesperson. And spokespeople are best heard when they're sexy and rich.

19. Because we like bad boys and he is such a bad, bad boy.

20. Because he's a jerk but he's just a kid and he isn't Lucius. It isn't that hard to believe that maybe he can change once he grows up. Characters aren't carved in stone and it would be heartening to have an exemption to the Rowling Rule of Slytherin: "the only good Slytherin is a dead Slytherin. Literally."

21. He drawls, and is therefore half-American. That's why all the prissy Gryffindor Brits are cruel to him. We dump our tea at you, Gryffindors!

22. Did I mention that he's blond?

I hope that answers your question. Yes, we are twisted, perverse fangirls overdosed on Cassandra Clare. Fanon and Proud of it! And if you don't like it, we'll have our people speak with your people.

*cackles manically*

P.S  23. We are with the RSPCA  and do not endorse cruelty to ferrets. You do not bounce Mr. Ferret up and down the hall! Mr. Ferret is our friend.