Non-emo poetry

[ladymirth]

When the Moon is Away…

A star peeped out a scouting eye
Unchaperoned in the moonless sky
Laughed in mischief, free to flirt
And dally with worshipful Earth

Out they ventured one by one
At first timid, but soon begun
Winking bold and merrily
To leap from night into the sea

The foamy lips of wine-dark waves
They lightly kissed with genteel grace
Then irreverent, proceeded to beflower
The ocean into a star-lit bower

Salt-scented winds shush on ignored
By heaven’s children and sea lords
Oblivious that their rare congress
Had sheathed the world in sequined dress

A thousand ships stilled in delight
And on board one, inspired wove I
These verses to immortalize
The wonder of that midnight tryst

What do you think? Imagery overload? Feedback is appreciated. =)

Comments

[cyad.livejournal.com]

I absolutely love it! *sigh & rushed to open shades so she can stare at the starry night sky *it's a thing I can do hee, an't that wonderful? I can see stars... and the sea and <-- your poem just made me realised how lucky I was to live here now. Thank you so much for it.

On that starlit note: calling it a night, now. :)

[missile-envy.livejournal.com]

You know, the problem with editing is that it would remove all of the fun, raucous sort of spontaneity in this. I think the imagery's perfect and you stick to the rhythm enough to give it form but are playful enough with it that I want to get half-drunk on champagne and then go running down a beach barefoot in a big froofy prom dress. (With company, obviously.) You come out with such lovely stuff when you write -- more!

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Dasha! I'm really flattered that you, writer extraordinaire, like my poetry! I would've thought something this fluffy wouldn't be your cup of tea.

half-drunk on champagne and then go running down a beach barefoot in a big froofy prom dress.

O_O My poetry = LSD? Although that image is rather endearing. XD

*HUGS* Thanks for the feedback, hon!

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

Oh, my God, Carole! Do you have an icon for everything? =D

I'm thrilled you like it, love! Thanks so much for letting me know! *HUGS*

[cyad.livejournal.com]

rotfl! Well... I wouldn't bet on it but... I try! :D

I really love it. PLus I read it at a time where I was wondering (since all my friends are asking me: Why TF did you leave Paris?!) Was starting to doubt my own choices, you know? And your poem: sums up all the wonder I have here and could never find in Paris so... thx again for the wonderful riting. :)

**much hugs**