What. The. Fuck.

Finished and thoroughly enjoyed New Moon.

Now on chapter two of Eclipse.

I didn't think this amount of revulsion for a book could be possible just two chapters in. My stomach is heaving. Please tell me this is not going to go on for the rest of the twenty-odd chapters. Bella is going to bitchslap Edward until he learns how not to be a control freak and we're going to return to sparkly vampire mush and cuddly werewolf angst again any minute now right? Right?

If this shit doesn't let up by the next chpater, I'm tossing the book and going to bed. I'm not staying awake for any more of this chauvinistic bullshit.

Suddenly, I understand all the vitriolic hate for this series.

Update On Eclipse.

Up to chapter fifteen of Eclipse.

This is the most toe-curlingly horrible drivel in book form I've ever read in my life. I can't believe that teenage girls and grown women swoon over these neanderthals. A controlling, borderline psychoitc, disgustingly chauvinistic vampire and a boorish caveman of a were-asshole (Whatever happened to my beautiful, sweet Jacob?!). Both of whom treat the woman they love like a fucking object rather than a person in her own right. Because in Smeyer's twisted little fantasy world, free will is something that only happens to boring people and twu wuv is the most important thing in the world, for which one should give up their humanity and a college education, but not their singleton status (WTFx100000).

Mary Sues I can put up with, but this level of deranged madness is severely testing me. Cleolinda groaned in her recap how inconvenient it is that e-books can't be thrown across the room and be set on fire. I echo tis sentiment.

Also, maybe it's because of my Buddhist upbringing, but I am not inclined to view people who'd rather hunt down and kill wild animals than humans as Not Evil. I believe that killing a dog is as great a sin as killing a man. And I understand that that's just my world-view, but I'm rather more interested in the safety of baby penguins in the Antartica than whether Bella gets to enjoy her sparkly twu wuv on a strict non-humanitarian diet. Especially since baby penguins are less detrimental to the efforts of women's rights movements of the last hundred years.

The only way this series could end happily for me now is if Edward and Jacob ripped each other to pieces over their little human doll and Bella dies by having a sea turtle dropped on her head while they're not looking.

Hey, at least I will be happy.

I suppose I'll finish the book anyway. It's kind of like watching a train wreck. You can't bear to watch it happen but its too horrifying to look away from either.

That, or I'm just masochistic.

*sigh* See you guys on the other side.

I just need to get this out of my system before I combust.

 I know, I know, I'm sorry, I have to get this out there. Feel free to use the scroll button. 

Re Eclipse Chapter 22: Fire and Ice

You. Are. Shitting. Me. 

( Twi-hards may not enter here. )

Jesus, this book really is a trainwreck. And if Eclipse is this bad, chances are that Breaking Dawn is going to be a fucking natural disaster.