Yay, anyone?

[ladymirth]

I got the results of my TOEFL exam back today.

Out of 120, I have scored 116. Full marks for Reading and Writing, but two marks chopped off each for Listening and Speaking.

It wouldn't be that big a deal under normal circumstances because I hardly consider English a foreign language. But I took this test when I could barely function because of my depression. The day I was supposed to sit for the exam was the day I started tailing off my sedatives and increasing my anti-depressants. I felt like I was having both side-effects and withdrawal symptoms at the same time, I was having anxiety attacks because I hadn't been able to crack a book open in preparation beforehand, and I could barely wash my plate after breakfast, much less write a paper that day. More than once I toyed with the idea of skipping it altogether.

I was in the exam center by 12.00, already exhausted and sleepy and nervy, expecting the exam to begin at 12.30 pm and go home for a late lunch by 4.30. However, due to a computer glitch, the exam didn't even start until 2.00 pm. I was ready to call my Dad and beg to be taken home, because I felt like I was going to die in that cramped little chair. I was just about run into the street and flag down a taxi in near-hysteria when we were finally called in.

The paper itself wasn't hard, but between the havoc the pills were wreaking in my system and the fact that the only thing I had between the previous day's lunch and starvation was the bowl of cornflakes I'd eaten that morning, concentrating on six different sections of listening tests was torture. At one point it seemed like the exam was never going to end, and I was ready to faint from hunger and exhaustion.

At the end of the day, however, I knew I'd done well and left the centre on a real high. It was the best I'd felt in weeks, and it made me remember what confidence felt like.

The TOEFL results wouldn't otherwise be a very big deal to me, but I guess 

lostprincess87   was right. The accomplishments you treasure most are the ones you achieve despite the most adversarial of circumstances.

 

 

 

Comments

[cyad.livejournal.com]

hey, YAY!!!

that's an amazing performance!

WTG, Hasini! :)

Are you gonna celebrate (with a shaken martini...or a Jab We Met dance?)

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Carole. =D Well, it's too early in the morning for martini...I'd have to go withthe Jab We Met dance.

[cyad.livejournal.com]

hehe! maybe I made your choice too easy! *lol!*

next time you get an awesome result like this, I'll try to toughen it a bit. :)

[judosas.livejournal.com]

Congrats! That's a very neat score indeed. :)

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Sas. =)

[dm-hpcrazy.livejournal.com]

congrats!!! :)

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

Thank you. =)

[just-ruth.livejournal.com]

Congratulations! It sounds like a very good score.

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Ruth. =)

[un-sedentary.livejournal.com]

W00t!!! I knew you were going to rock this thing. *hugs*

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

*hugs back*

I finally found out who the cutie is in your icon. It's John Barrowman, is it not? =)

[un-sedentary.livejournal.com]

Hee! Indeed, John Barrowman is Captain Jack Harkness. :D

[viciousberries.livejournal.com]

You know, those tests sound really amazing. My friend took one for her education a while ago, and I got all excited at the thought of it. Unfortunately, I don´t need one, so my mum won´t let me do one for fun unless I pay for it on my own. And they´re a bit too expensive for that.
But good for you! 116 is very impressive.

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

Thank you. =)

You want to take the test for fun?! You'd be wasting money on a test like this, Suuz. It's a cakewalk for people whose first language is English, or at least has the same amount of familiarity with it. It had interesting questions, but it was also loong and exhausting.

[laramoon.livejournal.com]

Way to go!! :) Very proud of you!

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

Thanks! *hugs*