Why Am I Just Now Discovering Cracked, Internets?

[ladymirth]

Would you rather be brained by a tutle, shit out your intestines, die laughing at a fig-eating donkey...or be sexed to death?

Also, gakked from kemidra  : The 11 Most Badass Last Words Ever Uttered. 

I dunno. I found some of that rather gruesome. And nothing about the Salem Witchhunts are funny to me. 

From the same site: The Six Most Badass Stunts Pulled in the Name of Science. (Not for the faint of stomach.)

And here, have some choice quotes from that legendary Hollywood neighbourhood bicycle Tallulah Bankhead just for the hell of it. 

I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock. If I'm late, start without me.

I'm as pure as the driven slush.

My father warned me about men and booze... but he never said anything about women and cocaine.

I read Shakespeare and the Bible, and I can shoot dice. That's what I call a liberal education.

Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.

If you really want to help the American theater, don't be an actress, dahling. Be an audience.

Cocaine isn't habit forming. I should know - I've been using it for years.
 (On why she called everyone "dahling"): Because all my life I've been terrible at remembering people's names. I once introduced a friend of mine as Martini. Her name was actually Olive.

I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water - I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone.

No man worth his salt, no man of spirit and spine, no man for whom I could have any respect, could rejoice in the identification of Tallulah's husband. It's tough enough to be bogged down in a legend. It would be even tougher to marry one.

Don't think I don't know who's been spreading gossip about me . . . After all the nice things I've said about that hag (Bette Davis). When I get hold of her, I'll tear out every hair of her mustache!

Say anything about me, dahling, as long as it isn't boring.

I've tried several varieties of sex, all of which I hate. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic; the others give me a stiff neck and/or lockjaw.

 

 

Thank you for all the not-twenty-one-yet birthday, wishes, friends. Shall get around to replying to all of them. In the meantime, let me sum up my opinion on the matter by this xkcd comic I recently rediscovered via

kemidra :


 

Playpen balls, FTW! \o/

 

Comments

[kemidra.livejournal.com]

Keep reading XKCD. It is full of win.

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

I actually ransacked the site a few months ago. It IS full of so much win that it should be consumed in manageable portions, and not all at once, because otherwise you tend to forget gems like the one above just when you most need them.