Phobia of imperfection.

[ladymirth]

It's ten minutes to midnight and I've been staring at the blank word document on my screen for the past hour. Inspiration does not strike. I can't bear to mar the endless possibilities that blank white page holds by defacing it with a single word. I just know that whatever I write and however I write it, I'll never do justice to the beautiful idea that has formed in my head, fragile as a butterfly newly emerged from its chrysallis.

My fingers freeze over the keyboard and a cold panic grips me. I stare at the page in terror, nearly hyperventilating. The guy who dreamt up this scheme of writing a novel in thrity days flat, no editing and no revising along the way, is a born fool who knows nothing about novelling. Storytelling isn't some sort of sport, for Chrissake! It's an art. A careful craftmanship where ham-handed carelessness can destroy the most precious potential. You can't just charge into it like a bull elephant in a china shop, with no idea where you're going or what you're doing. You could ruin your story. Just ruin it, so the beauty that shines in your mind's eye like a crystal star will lie in heartbreaking shambles before you're a third of the way through. That's what you're risking here. Without the perfect word and the perfect turn of phrase and the perfect timing...why even try if the end result will never be as perfect the picture that exists in your mind? 

The page stares blankly at me. 

I stare back at it, willing the perfect words to spew from my fingertips onto the keys. 

My fingers quiver nervously over the keyboard. The page is still blank. 

My story beats its fists against my skull, pounding an agony at my temples, fighting to be let loose into the world. 

The page is still blank. 

Comments

[purplephoenix03.livejournal.com]

Well, look, you just wrote all of that?

This is why I refuse to sign up to NaNo or Mini-NaNo or NaBlo blah blah blah. Because, in my mind, it actually impedes the creative process because you have this fixed deadline in your mind and you can't just let things be and let that creative rush come to you. You force things out. I don't have and porbably will never have the time to do a full on NaNo but every year I consider the 'write a daily blog' one - but then I realise that I do that *anyway* out of choice, so if I signed up I would actually fret about posting rather than posting when and if I want to. Quality gets lost in a quest for quantity. For me, personally, NaNo would hurt me more than help me.

But! That being sad, I'm sorry you're feeling so stuck! *HUGS* I hate that block, I suffer from it in tersm of my art often and drives me crazy. I'm sure it'll come to you, I have all appendages crossed. Good luck.

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

You and I, my darling, are of two entirely different ilks. You are disciplined and organized and motivated. I am not. I'd never take a dive unless I was pushed in headfirst.

I need to get over my phobia of putting words on paper first. Quality and fine-tuing can come later. That's why I need NaNo. The whole sick thing hasn't been helping so far, though.

Thanks for the luck, dearest! **HUGS**

[kaylle.livejournal.com]

I wish I had something helpful to say, some advice or words of wisdom or even encouragement, but all I can say is: I know exactly how you feel. I have this perfect picture in my head but when I sit down to write it the words are coming agonizingly slowly and I'm nitpicking every single one. I don't know why. Sometimes I can write and it just flows out of me with no questions asked. And sometimes... this. I blame Nanowrimo ;)

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

I blame Nanowrimo ;)

I blame my misplaced perfectionism. NaNo was supposed to help me get over it. But God forbid I write anything that won't win the Pulitzer. *sigh*

Hope it's going better for you! =) Remember - no nitpicking!

[cyad.livejournal.com]

feeling the same with Kate right now... even though page isn't blank. I wrote struffs it's just now I have to link everything together rpg style but I disgress.

Just give yourself the time you need to craft that writing art of yours (true words!!) and remember: don't stare at that page blankly. A white page is just full of possibilities. So... unleash your imagination, put it down there 'cause blank page's consecration is to...not remain blank. And yeah, even a blank page wants it's 15 mins (or 1500 words, give or take) of fame.

So fulfill the blank page's dream and just write those plot bunnies. *ponders beat*

OTOH, you can also slash them and use the blood as ink but somehow, it doesn't have the same ring and panache *eg*

Oh yeah and writing should remain fun and something you like to do: like writing and write about what you like. It's a game, not a slavery, this NaNoWriMo thing.

And I really should stop babbling. :p

[ladymirth.livejournal.com]

I didn't know you wrote fic.

OTOH, you can also slash them and use the blood as ink but somehow, it doesn't have the same ring and panache *eg*

You wants me to kill all my little bunnies? *recoils in horror*

And I really should stop babbling. :p

You're not allowed to and I won't let you. I love your babbling. =D

***HUGS**

*is still high*

[cyad.livejournal.com]

Not writing a fic, NCIS RPGing. HAd to mass a writing casting, I kid you no but, in the end I landed the role I wanted. hehe ;p

Well...kill one so it scares the other enough to stay and pimp the NaNo muse...or write themselves up! *eg*

Aww...really? 'cause finally found hback my shows links and am multiwatching while trying to write Kate from NCIS and, since gotta wake up early am going for a sleepless night and... *babbles 'til dawn...dusk...whatever...*